[Yack]

Has been emotionally abusive to me for as long as I can remember . I always thought it was normal...

I never said anything because I used to just ignore him. I thought it was normal to be SCREAMED at for overflowing the toilet. For being a Columbia student, pre-med, psych major w. minor, but not being able to work full-time too (he must be crazy)...For not being perfect enough, ever. Nothing is ever enough. Cut your hair, put on makeup.

It took me a long time to realize I am beautiful and I don't need him to tell me.

Before we moved, I used to leave the house for support. I loved my extended family and community and had friends to turn to, places to go.

We are in the country, all alone now.

Nothing was never enough for him. And look what he has now. That great student of his has PTSD and can't get out of bed. The therapist kept asking if something was wrong in my family. Yes it is. Every year it gets worse...

When I got home after court he screamed and screamed. He screamed all summer long while I was trying to take my summer course. I got so upset I ended up in the hospital bec. he was making me worse. I could not go home. So I went to the hospital - I barely met criteria but I got in. 6 days of someone actually caring about me did wonders.

Today I told him I was cold. Since I came home in Sept. I have barely spoken a word to him bec. it's just easier that way. I hate it when he comes home. I hate the weekends, and I hate him. Out here, I have no one to run to, no relatives, no one. When I get away I don't want to come back. I could sleep in the therapist's office.

All I said was that I was cold. I said the office was cold (we have to wear jackets). I have been feeling better lately too. Do you know what he said?

"I am sick of all of the complaints. Then he said he was going to leave me and my mother and we could fend for ourselves. He told me to "Stop f---cking around" if I was cold, and get a job to pay the electric bill. Get out bed before noon.

"No, I don't understand depression or PtSD", he said sarcastically.

"I will just leave...The two of you can fend for yourselves. I don't like the situation. Clean yourself up. Stop f----cking around. I may quit my job. No one will hire me (not true, believe me)..."

He sold our family home of 23 years on a whim bec he "Hated his job".

"I'm sorry, but we may move out of state..."

My mother's response: "You know how to provoke him. (B.S.) You have caused a problem". She ran to the window bec. he was outside, to see if he was ok. I was on the floor hysterical, but hey, who cares, right? Who cares about me? She had to satisfy the beast. I then threw up and called my therapist.

You better believe the heat was lowered that minute. And the jacket was put back on.

He has a history. His father left him and was abusive. His first wife left him and my sister when she was only 6.

You know what they say the number one predictor of recovery from PTSD is? Family support.

Yeah right.

I am not allowed to call him at work. I don't even know the number.

[EJ711]

Yack,
Your father sounds like he doesn't have realistic expectations for you. He sounds like he absorbed in trying to find a job, in which he feels secure. The job market is a bit wierd right now. Your mother doesn't know how to really handle him, so it is a bad situation all around. Bravo, for you being a Columbia student! I'm sorry you have all this drama going on, while you're trying to get good grades and a good education. Keep us posted.

Jane - Oz

[Lexicon78]

What a jerk! I can't believe how insensitive and selfish some people can be. I know you feel so alone, but you're not. We are all here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything I am here.

Hang in there and stay safe.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((Yack)))))))))))))))))))

KD

[hillbunnyb]

Yo Yack, I can relate. My father was a real abusive booger too. When I was 13, sick with an ulcur, I went to spend the weekend with one of his secretaries who I was friends with, for a change of pace.

I ended up confiding in her about the abuse. Well, Monday night , when daddy dearest came home from work, It was up against the wall for me........ He was beating me for lying to her saying he beat me........ Oh boy, was that a moment for me.
I realized his behavior had nothing to do with me. It wasn't my fault. It was ALL HIM. Though I was still in the situation, I was able to emotionally detach and stop investing in our relationship. I think you are a wonderful person. Hope you and your mom are safe.

[complic8d]

(((((Yack)))) I know how much impact emotional abuse can have. I feel like I am nothing because of it. I hope you can get out of the situation. Please take care. HUGS!

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((Yack))))))))))))))))))

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{{{{Yack}}}}}

[wisewoman]

Yack, that post pulled it all together for me. I don't know how you can do it but I do know it's possible for you to get out of that situation. You are being re-injured everyday. Sometimes older people offer to share their home with someone who will be there nights and maybe clean or cook some. It is worth considering. It is called Home share. You maybe reacted to the trauma with your old BF in a way that was amplified by the abuse from your father. GET OUT! Be safe, care for yourself and get away from this tyrant.