[ShaggyChic_1201]

My father said something weird to me: "You used to be afraid of tomato plants and washing machines."

As soon as he said that, I had this lightening bolt of fear go through me and I could immediately picture myself hiding amidst the tomato plants at my uncle's house. I know, but cannot remember, that my uncle was sexually abusive. I can't remember what happened relating to tomato plants. Or the washing machine.

OK, truthfully, I can't remember anything personal really. I get told the same things over and over again, even now, 30+ years later and it's like it's brand new to me. Work stuff is different - that I remember for years.

How does one heal when you can't even remember things? I keep a journal so I know what I said in therapy, btw. When I read it from 2 weeks before, it's surprising to me. I wrote that?!

Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do?

Blankly,
Bubba

[Sannah]

I hear that you remember when you are ready to remember, when you feel safe enough to remember. Do you want to talk about the tomato plants with your therapist?

[SoupDragon]

Yes my memory is crap - I sometimes read posts that I have written on here and have no recollection of writing them - I hate that I can't remember.

I can also remember very little before age 10/ 11 / 12

I don't have any solution, other that keeping faith in myself that deep down somewhere, I can look after myself and that part of my brain will let me remember when it is safe to do so.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think you are doing a great job of writing down what you do remember when it does come up. There may be some things you will never remember, and that can be so hard.
I don't have the problem with the memory but I do have issues with "body memories".
When I get triggered, I feel in my body what I felt when I was a child but I don't have a specific memory. For example, I might freeze in session if I think my T is upset with me because that is what I did around my father. I really like the fact that you take the time to journal about your sessions and hope it brings you some comfort.
Thanks so much for posting!

[ShaggyChic_1201]

thanks for the supportive posts so quickly. I keep writing and deleting what I wrote because it's so triggering. I want peace.

[Kmbpeace1171]

Memories of my childhood are an absolute blur, I have started to delete non supportive friends from facebook and im programs

I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is many months of therapy expanding on those little fragments of memory will help put the puzzle back together. In time, when you are ready, facing the memories will help you heal. Good luck.