I disgraced myself in public again

I feel so ashamed and angry.

I've had the most stressful work day, with part one of the culmination of an extended pre-restructure process.
At the best of times I find it hugely triggering when people put their hands on the headrest of the seat in front on the bus. It feels a violation of my personal space, as well as sending me into dissociative flashbacks of the bullying at school - which included having things thumped on my back and thrown at my head.
Today I turned round and asked this man if he could please move his hand from there.
He did, but then he moved seat.
A woman passenger objected to what I'd asked, and called me rude and racist. I, to my humiliation, explained why I'd asked him to move his hand. Not for him to move, just his hand. She shouted at me, and to my shame, I shouted back. Even when I explained, she persisted in calling me rude and racist. Even when I said that racism has nothing to do with it - and it's true, anyone who invades my personal space like that makes me feel unsafe. I was bullied at school by a gang of white girls my age, for heaven's sake! And I'm not racist. I just have had a difficult day [understatement] and feel vulnerable.

Maybe I should have just got off the bus when he put his hand there, without saying anything. But it was dark and I'm exhausted.
I literally cannot tolerate anyone's hand that close to me.

Maybe my request was a bit inconsiderate, but I did ask calmly and quietly. Maybe it had an undertone of rudeness, but that's the way unfortunately things come out when I feel unsafe.
I didn't make a scene until this woman made a scene and publically humiliated me and accused me of racism. She was making it into something it wasn't and just used it to pursue her agenda.

From what I can gather, one woman did speak up for me, but I didn't hear what she said. But she was jeered at by the other woman when she left the bus.

I feel so ashamed. What if I see these people again, or if they see me? What if she told the police?

I'm not a horrible person, really I'm not. I struggle sometimes to live around other people, with the legacy of my past.

What would you do in a situation like this? Do you think I'm bad?

No, man, the dude in seat behind me yesterday, but not directly behind me, he was aisle and I was window, was half leaning his face over into my bench because he was grabbing the headrest and talking on the phone, and I was like, WTF? I kept looking at him just because he was making noise, I didn't MEAN tom but he was practically in my face. This person was totally invading your space, and that woman had a bug up her butt. Esp if somebody else stuck up for you? that NEVER happens! man! So you had to be right!

Sorrel and hankster im sorry that happened. That would freak me out too.

{{{{Sorrel}}}} you got caught in someone else's nitemare, sounds like to me. you have nothing to be ashamed of,, best wishes,, Gus

Sadly personal space is no longer accepted in our society. As far as I am concerned you handled the situation very well. Once upon a time people would not intentionally touch the seat you are sitting in. If they did so it came with an apology.

I have no issues about my personal space per sae, but I find it extremely rude and annoying if someone behind me is holding, kicking, or touching my seat. I have paid for this seat, it is mine. You keep yourself to the seat you’ve paid for and we’ll get along fine.

I do not understand why that woman decided to address you, but it is my own experience that people looking for negativity find it wherever they look. Try not to engage them in the future, they can be unpredictable. Plus: YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. Really, how were you being inconsiderate? Because you dared get on the bus and not want a perfect stranger “to be all up in your bidness” as my kids say.

Sorrel, I'm sorry that that was so distressing. I don't think that you did anything wrong. They guy complied with your request. The woman was butting into your business. It wasn't her business.

I agree with everyone else ((sorrel)). You handled yourself well and it was the woman should be ashamed.

Thank you so much everyone for your understanding and reassurance.

It makes me sad that she thought I was being racist, that, because she was the same race as the man, and I'm obviously not, that she assumed it was an issue of racism.
She also assumed that my asking him to move his hand meant asking him to move his seat. Not so. She was on about how the man had paid for his seat. Well, for a start, he may well have a free travel pass due to age, but sure as heck, I paid for my seat full price and him having a seat means the seat he's sitting on, I thought?

The man wasn't even harming me, BUT it did feel very uncomfortable and violating, even if it wasn't intended as such.
I don't know how it happened that people don't seem to care about others' personal space any more, but that really is how it seems to be.

Don't worry about the police. You broke no laws whatsoever, and they have way bigger stuff to worry about. You might very well see these people again, but by then, it will have blown over. The woman who yelled at you might have even examined the situation (just as you are doing) and realized she over-reacted. And even if this is not the case, chances are, if you do see these people, esp. the woman, the worst that will happen is a cold look. Keep in mind that this woman's act of yelling at you had much less to do with you than it had to do with her past, her perceptions, her feelings.

Your request (though totally appropriate) possibly triggered something in her based on past experiences and emotions. It sounds as if she has issues w/ feelings of inferiority and/ or being bossed around by people (white people, it would seem, by your post). Her past issues are likely, considering that racism is still unfortunately part of society, as valid as your past issues being bullied. She just handled it very poorly and chose to unload on an innocent stand-in (you) for people or institutions who very well may have legitimately done this woman wrong. I hope this makes sense. Just try not to take it personally, as difficult as this may be to do. I am not excusing this woman's behavior at all, but one of my favorite quotations is "To Forgive All is to Understand All." As for you trying to explain your position, which was a noble thing to attempt, she was probably too blinded by indignation and too deep in her zone of anger to really hear what you were saying, or properly assimilate it.

Try not to worry about this situation or be too hard on yourself....

I'm sorry that happened. Maybe she has her own issues of trauma and such and just took them out on you, still very, very wrong.

Thank you both, you're so right.