[Lil Ant Lady]

i was beatem and have been pschologically abused in the last 4 months by my now ex-partner. he is in prison. i hate what he did to me but 50% of our relationship was normal which is what made me fall in love with him.

i keep seeing things round the house that he bought, like cake mixes - he used to bake me cakes a lot. these things make me feel sad that it resulted in the way it did.

i still feel love for him. but why??? and does/will it ever go?

[Gr3tta]

I am glad you are safe from him now. Your feelings will probably evolve and change with time and perspective. Itks okay to remember the good with the bad though. Its very normal to still feel love for him and to miss him.

[Sannah]

Domestic Violence has a Cycle of Abuse. Here is a link which explains it. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page5.htm

[Lil Ant Lady]

thanks for that link sannah - i could relate to every single word of it!
and i thought i was so strong, strong enough to believe that il never let any man walk all over me... but i did

I think time is the best way to get over it. Whatever you do, spend that time AWAY from him, not in contact. If you try to keep in touch with him, he will put himself in the best light possible trying to make you stay with him. He will make empty promises. He will point out other men who are worse than him (making himself out to be one of the "good guys" by comparison.) He may even try to tell you that all men do the same things he does, so you might as well stay with him because you're not going to find a man who doesn't do those things. (That was the trick pulled in my first marriage. He even recruited his friends to tell me I might as well stay, because the man who doesn't use drugs doesn't exist; no use looking for one. Maybe in their own inner circle that's true, but it's not true in fact.)

What concerns me most is the "50% normal" part. A grade of 50% on a test in school is usually an F. We all, even the worst of us, have some good in us. That doesn't make the bad acceptable. It's not necessarily a healthy relationship just because it's better than the last one. Nobody's perfect, but there are deal-breaking behaviors, and just because someone has some good in them too, doesn't excuse those.