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#1
Nov 05, 2011, 09:18 PM
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When I was 6 or 7 my older brother started sexually abusing me, he stopped when I was 9. I remember the first time it happened.. He kept saying that he wanted a hug, but I really didn't want to give him one so he grabbed me roughly and and pulled me close to him and he kept pushing himself against me. I had no idea what was going on but I knew it wasn't good. After that He mostly forced me to lay down in his bed with him at night or while our mom was gone and he'd get on top of me and rub against me. A few times he made me do it in our mom's bed, which seems really weird to me now.
Anyways, where I was originally going with this. A couple years ago I learned that when he was younger he was also abused. I don't know what it was but hearing that just completely changed my view of the situation. I used to hate him so much and then that hatred turned into...pity? I think? It just seems like it's not his fault anymore. Am I supposed to be angry at him like I'm angry at the other men who abused me? Last edited by turquoisesea; Nov 05, 2011 at 10:27 PM. Reason: trigger icon |
 WePow
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#2
Nov 06, 2011, 12:12 AM
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Hi. I had a similar situation where I was abused by an older brother for years, and then as an adult discovered that the whole time our father had been abusing him as well. For me it changed my whole perspective about him. It didn't 'excuse' his behavior, but it helped me understand it more, and enabled me to reframe my own experiences.
I don't think you're 'supposed' to feel anything in particular. Whatever feelings you have about your own situation are okay. A couple of people I have told about my situation seemed hung up on stressing that my brother's own abuse does not excuse his abuse of me, and seemed to expect me to feel as angry at him as other abusers. But I did and do feel differently about my brother, and they are my feelings and it is kind of irrelevant what other people think. My brother sexually abused me for years. Yes, he hurt me, and yes it matters, and yes I love and forgive him AND support him in his own healing. Whatever you feel, even if at times they are polar opposite emotions, is okay. |
| kindachaotic, LadeeJunebug, overwhelmed-79, Sannah
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#3
Nov 07, 2011, 04:46 PM
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Well said!
__________________
 LadeeJunebug When we feel we have nothing left to give and we are sure that the "song has ended". When our day seems over and and the shadows fall and the darkness of night has descended. There's but one place to go and that is to God Together we stand at life's crossroads and view what we think is the end, But God has a much bigger vision and He tells us it's only a bend... Excerpt from "Bend in the Road" by Helen Steiner Rice |
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