[CJR520]

Our family is now watching what happens when one puts up with abuse and actually enables an abuser. My Mom has enabled my Dad by treating him like a spoiled little child, just like my Grandma did, and we have a monster!! Dad has always been verbally abusive to the extreme, to all of us, and Mom stood by a let him. Now, she is stuck with him in old age and sickness, and it is a real mess! She whines every day and says life is over for her now, Dad has always been mean, she never gets to go anywhere, or have company, etc. etc. etc. Well, folks, it has always been that way, and I can only tell her that now. I can't change it and my brother and sister can't change it. But it is a miserable time for her and for us. And the bad part is, that Dad has a kidney stone(hopefully dissolved) and an enlarged prostrate. Nothing life threatening, and you would think the whole world is ending. What a mess! I know a lot of others go through with these things, and I read books to help, but what else can I do? I am as good to them as I can be. They live in the country and have a woodburner ad on for heat. My sister thinks that everyone needs to quit putting wood in the basement for them, etc. and maybe this will urge them to sell the large property, and move where they can take take of things on their own. They have done o.k. up til now, but won't be able to go on like they have too much longer. Sorry to ramble on, but it is a mess. Abusers mess up their whole lves and part of their families lives no matter what we all say or do.

[JustBen]

You made a good connection between your Grandma and your Mom. So often people repeat the same patterns with their spouse that they had with a parent. It's amazing and terrible how compulsive we are about keeping things going, even really destructive things. I think you're doing everything you can for your folks. I know how frustrating this must be. My folks live in the country with wood heat, too, and I sometimes wonder how that will play out as they get older...in your place, I wouldn't follow the sister's advice. I couldn't.

[desirae]

I agree that abuse eventually makes a large impact on your life. Even if it takes years to take full affect, it usually comes to a point where it has caused a huge mess.

You made a very good point, and thanks for using a personal story to say it.
Desirae

[CJR520]

Yes, it is very sad to see the future of abuse! Maybe, this will help someone else. I sure hope so. There was a period of time when I did not speak to my parentsj. It was five years! It was because of this abuse thing! They don't do that to me or my husband any more, but still are like this with my sister and brother. Thanks for the comments!