question?

Well...Im here again. Struggling more with depression issues....social issues. I wondered if anyone here who has dealt with CSA issues also now has issues with going out and socializing and interacting with people or even personal sexual relationships.
I mean I am not actively dating anyone. Actually, I have kinda let the last several years go by without really pursuing anything real. I want to be in love with a real person, but I am stuck for some reason. This has been going on for years now. I want to be ok when I go out with friends, but going to bars is one of the cruelest forms of socializing I can ever imagine (I have done this with friends recently, ugh!) I want to meet a guy, but I seem to attract the worst...many of the times I have gone out I have only attracted married men. Or I attract born losers who have nothing going for them. Or sometimes I am approached by very nice guys but who lack confidence and want someone to take care of them.
I am pretty sure this a huge reason why I havent pushed through and really worked on finding someone.
Im afraid that I dont really know how to be in a relationship.
I mean...I dated between 18 and 24 (then I had my son). I stayed in a very onsided relationship with a married man (my sons dad) until I was 31. Finaly after many years of that I walked away and Im very glad i did. But now I am 42...ugh. and I am alone in my life, my son is 17 and pretty much has his own social agenda.
I have pretty much isolated myself from the world in my personal life (over years)....I dont have friends over, I rarley hear from the couple that stay in touch....I talk to people on facebook, and have a close male friend who I met online and have been in touch with over 2 yrs now (I love him but that is as far as it goes. He has been my go to person wth my issues and has helped me in many ways).
Outside of this I feel overwhelmed when I think about my situation. Dont get me wrong...on the face of my life, what the world see's...Im normal and I have a home and a job and seem fine. But Im alone.
I tried going online dating but I was approched by another married man so I deleted that idea.
I need to take the steps to get out into the world....but I fear my history is repeating ...my mom created her world around her kids too... and doesnt really have social life...my dad either.
I dont know how to change this. I want to. I just dont know where to begin. To make matters worse I am struggling with real life issues with work n stuff, and currently dont have insurance. All of this stress has contributed to me feeling depression creeping in.
I guess I am just looking for ideas from people who may have found themselves in this situation...who have a similar past, and who may have been able to move past this (socializing) and what they have done to do so.
Im at my wits end, totally annoyed with myself, and just need some guidance.
I started dealing and facing the CSA a few years ago. I went to therapy, confronted my dad, told my mom and brothers, and moved past that part of my life. But I feel like Im not fixed yet...even though I did all those things to try and put it past me...Im still here and facing the same challenges...except I dont think much about the past anymore. I just dont seem to be able to unfreeze myself from learning how to be in a real and healthy relationship.
Is there even the possibility to be in a relationship when a person has been abused for so many years?
Im just wanting to more forward...unstuck...and not afraid of whatever it is.

Sunny, you have to work through the effects of the abuse on you. The abuse has affected your boundaries to begin with and your ability to trust and allow others to get close.