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#1
Jan 04, 2012, 08:04 PM
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i dont understand how they can work. how can you get someone to not hit you. cause just standing there isnt working!!! how can get them to stop. get them to understand when your mad. you cant hit on someone uncontrollably. i dont know how its possible to make a boundary work. but would like to figure it out. i dont know what im doing wrong.
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#2
Jan 04, 2012, 08:09 PM
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Boundaries don't work with abusive people. You have to leave and get away from them permanently.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 suzzie
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#3
Jan 04, 2012, 08:10 PM
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There need to be repercussions. But these need to be enforceable. If X hits you, then YZ happens to X. No fair though if X can retaliate.
It all depends on what sort of position you are in to defend yourself. Who you can call on to back you up. Do you have real backup? You cannot let yourself be alone in this.   Roadrunner |
| suzzie
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#4
Jan 05, 2012, 08:11 AM
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suzzie imo the only way to avoid being hit is to leave. abusers do not change their spots. i hope you will consider this. i stayed in an abusive marriage for 13 years. it doesn't get better. it only escalates over time. i almost lost my life. i didn't really believe what i was told by my T until the night of terror. stay safe. thinking of you.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| suzzie
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#5
Jan 05, 2012, 09:23 AM
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Quote:
suzzie, I don't know your situation or how old you are. My parents were extremely abusive. When I was in high school, one of my teachers FINALLY asked me if my parents hit me. I lied and said that they USED to. She said that if they ever hit me again, she would give me a safe place to live and make sure I got to college (she knew that was incredibly important to me and might keep me in an abusive situation just to be sure I could go to college). My teacher also said she would take in my younger sister as well, knowing I could not leave my little sister behind. The next time my mother went to hit me, I stood up and told her she couldn't hit me any more. I had a safe place to go and I would take my little sister and she would never see us again. I still believe it was the threat of my taking my little sister, who she actually adored, that was the effective part of the threat. She never hit me again. So, to have an effective boundary, there has to be a consequence to the abuser of hitting you. I hope things improve for you.
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| suzzie
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