[Gr3tta]

Does anyone else have a good way to tell when you're being overly sensitive, and when there really is reason to fear someone? I get myself in a corner sometimes where I'm not sure what is reasonable and what is paranoid.
I know I can be overly sensitive to other people's "normal" behavior, but I also know I have put myself in dangerous situations before because I didn't have an accurate understanding of what was, in fact, "normal." Plus, sometimes part of me will think it's better to not protest in order to avoid something worse, when I should have protested.
But on the other hand, I don't want to just go around decking people or running for my life when there's no real reason to.
Does anyone else have a good system?
Thanks for reading this.

[Sannah]

Good question. I spent a lot of time figuring out what normals were.

Have you learned anything about your trials/errors so far?

[Crew]

Great point Sannah

and (((((((((Gr3tta))))))))

I'm just a survivor and I used to feel like a hermit, afraid, paranoid but for me having DID I look inward. However you don't have to have DID to look inward.
and yes, it has happened to me in the first part of my healing.

your in my loving safe thoughts,

Crew

[madisgram]

but I also know I have put myself in dangerous situations before because I didn't have an accurate understanding of what was, in fact, "normal." Plus, sometimes part of me will think it's better to not protest in order to avoid something worse, when I should have protested.
But on the other hand, I don't want to just go around decking people or running for my life when there's no real reason to.

just a quick reply. if it doesn't feel right it's something/someone not right re the situation. your natural instincts/intuition are usually right. hope this helps cause it did help me.

[Gr3tta]

Thank you for the replies. I've also gotten some help from the "Creeps at Work" thread! I am trying to focus on what real things have been said or real actions have been taken by others, instead of focusing on how I feel about it. Not like dismissing how I feel, but instead of just thinking about how I feel afraid, try to figure out why I feel afraid. Did she/he actually say or do something threatening? Or am I responding to some other trigger? It's still hard to figure out though..

[Open Eyes]

When someone has a flashback or is triggered around certain situations one of the reasons that happens is that the situation can be touching on an actual past situation where that person didn't have a real escape. What I mean by this is if a person is a victim of abuse that may come from their childhood, a situation of bullying, or being trapped in an abusive marriage of somekind, that person may have lacked in the skills needed to find a resolve. There may not have been a form of strong presence that provided protection, could show the victim HOW to self protect.

Yes, what madisgram is saying can be true, a gut feeling can very well be correct about a possibly bad person or indication that the best thing to do is walk away or remove ourselves from the situation. However it can also mean that we are being presented with a situation that we simply never learned how to address and self protect. The situation can be a simple interaction with a person who has a strong personality or a person who we feel can detect our insecurity somehow and might misunderstand us or reject us in someway.

For example, I have come to know that one of my weak areas is often when another person has made an error of somekind and then begins some kind of mind game of deception and intellectual trickery. I grew up in that kind of environment and there was no one there to validate and help me or show me how to overcome that situation. Anytime that type of situation presents itself, I get full of anxiety and I do get upset and feel very uncomfortable. It really upsets me when I pick up on it and others around me simply do not see it, another trigger that goes way back for me. I do have a weak spot, something I never seemed to completely learn how to deal with on my own, something that I should have learned how to do in my early years of developement.

It is important to have a journal and write down everything that presents these tiggers or even flashbacks or desires to run or avoid in some way. What these situations bring out is something in us that we truely didn't learn HOW to address.

Many talk about a stamp that seems to be on their forehead that says, abuse me.
Many wonder what it is about them that expresses that weakness that others can pick up on. It doesn't mean that person with the stamp is unworthy or too weak or stupid or bad or incompetant. What it really expresses is that missing connection in your brain where you were not validated and you could not seem to protect yourself in some way. All it means is that you have not learned something "YET". It also means that you are reminded that there is not someone there that can "HELP" you or protect you in someway.

It is not unusual for someone that has this issue to be somehow able to reach out and protect someone else, or have empathy for another that is struggling in this area.
However, they themselves seem to fail at somehow doing this for themselves, so often they are misunderstood, even by themselves. As this occurs the feelings of anger, frustration, self hatred, lack of self worth, desire to isolate, and even feeling depression can result. Often these feelings of worthlessness, desire for isolation and physical and emotional exhaustion, often called depression can actually incapacitate a person for several days or longer. Then somehow a person can seem to find a little energy or small desire to try again, but that person may not know where this sense of energy or desire is coming from, nor do they know how long it may last.

The reality is that our brains are designed to signal us when a danger is present and our brains are designed to remember situations that did cause a threat in someway.
However, our brains are also designed to continue to survive and thrive again and even continue to learn. So we follow that instinct and try again. However, if we encounter that same warning and we cannot seem to overcome again we can again experience the same symptoms of a sense of some kind of failure and confusion.

When we finally find a source of AIDE to help us LEARN how to better overcome and understand these situations that disturb us, we CAN SLOWLY increase our sense of safety and feeling of well being and that can increase our length of better functioning periods, allowing us to become more productive. It is important to recognize this on a more conscious level so that when we DO experience these "triggers" that make us feel stressed and uncomfortable, we can better identify them and slowly learn how to OVERCOME them. If we do learn this consciously, though we may feel troubled, we can also come to know that we can actually learn HOW we truely can overcome and continue to LEARN and progress without that strong feeling of fear and inadequacy that seems to loom over us.

This is why having a good therapist and support group is very important. Both these atmospheres can serve to help us LEARN how to slowly learn to overcome our weak areas and understand that we actually CAN become stronger and more capable.

Benjamin Franklin stated, "Be careful what you tell others about yourself, because you are also telling yourself that as well". Well, he didn't really understand mental illness the way we discuss it today. However, it is actually important to remember what he IS saying here. We must consider that we may unknowingly make statements about ourselves that can be only a persuation to ourselves to stay in a very troubled conditon. Learning to improve needs a pathway that we ourselves need to speak of to others as well as ourselves. So what we need to continuously consider is that it is ok to talk about the issues that present trouble to us and that we DESIRE to LEARN ways for self improvement. By constantly expressing the desire to be willing to LEARN instead of continuously making a statement the says I CANNOT DO THIS OR THAT OR I AM THIS OR THAT we consciously tell others and ourselves that we WILL make efforts to LEARN to improve our current situation.

Therefore, each of us need to pay attention to things that do upset us in someway and try to identify the circumstances that present these feelings. Always consider that we can learn to overcome, no matter how troubled we are. If we discuss our troubled areas, it is ok to do so and we must know that and realize that we can slowly learn to discover better ways to deal with our environment and thrive.

Open Eyes

[Gr3tta]

Thank you Open Eyes. You make a lot of excellent points.

[Open Eyes]

Your welcome Gr3tta, what your doing is good because you have made a decision on learning how to better arm yourself and develope skills that you may have lacked in your past.

I, myself have been working on that as well and the path I am on is not an easy one.
I don't have smooth sailing when it comes to overcoming the emotions and stress that pops up when I am in a situation that I am not sure how to overcome yet. And I do experience some crippling days where my anxiety levels overcome me still. However I try to keep in mind that I am still learning and it is truely going to take me time to get myself to the point where I get stronger in overcoming these triggers and feelings of incapacity and confusion.

My message to all who struggle is to keep trying and learning, it truely takes time so be kind and patient with yourself.

Open Eyes