I spoke with her

It is ok to need hand held but be sure right person holds it. Just cuz we feel less than does not mean that we are. Just means that's how we feel. Don't know about you but I know that I have passed on many of the same issues to my kids because of my unresolved issues. How could I not?

mlyn. you are right, it is only about how we feel. I thought I would be the perfect parent etc. Also, looking at end of life for my husband's parents and my parental role model died a year and a half ago. And I still want to speak with her and say hey, what would you do about this? I hear her in my heart though.

WW, you are sane and rational. It is okay to use the words, and to say what happened. I think that the biggest lie that dysfunctional or abusive families tell is that what you experienced wasn't real or isn't something you can say. They would be embarassed, and they put that above your ability to accurately gauge your own perception. Everything that I've studied says that destroying a child's ability to name and believe in his or her own feelings and to trust his or her own senses and perceptions is one of the most damaging parental styles there is. You are doing an amazing job recovering from that. Trust your instincts. They were probably right all along, even though you didn't know it and don't always know it now. You're breaking the cycle. I'm cheering you on!

Love,
Rap

Thanks Wendy, It helps alot. Validation. What a road to travel. My road has a lot of other stuff in it to get by as well. Sometimes I feel like I am not moving so fast.