[dazeofdolphins]

I am determined to share my story but I must take it slow, in baby steps. My now deceased parents were both alcoholics and I was an only child. There were always people yelling and a lot of verbal abuse going on nearly every night. Seriously, they were drunk every night. Mom did make my dinner but then I always took it to my room to eat alone. Even to this day I have trouble eating in front of other people. They were also physically aggressive with each other and with me. I saw a lot of violence that no one knew about. We lived in the hills and the houses were far apart. No one knew people were getting hurt. Once my mom was super drunk and she tried to strangle me. I had to grab her by the forearms to get her off me. She bruised easily so the next morning she woke up with bruises. All she could remember was that I assaulted her so she called her friend and told her how I beat her up, My God! I'm not the abusive type at all but I got labeled. I can remember many more stories but it's getting painful to discuss so I will stop here for now. More to come I am sure. Sorry -

[mandamoo42]

((((((((((dazeofdolphins))))))))) how horrible for you darlin...and no need to apologise either, we all have our stories to share at our own pace, when we are ready...take your time and please be gentle with yourself...god bless....

[dazeofdolphins]

Another baby step to add: My parents used to fight a lot. Mom got mad at Dad for not appreciating all of the new clothes she bought him. After Dad had gone to bed, Mom got completely wasted, built a fire in the fireplace, and burned his new clothes in front of me. I kept crying "no" but she did it, I think, with a grin. On another occasion, Dad got mad at me and stopped talking to me for 9 months straight. It was pretty weird passing him in the hall. Ok, gotta stop again. Will add more later as I am able to tolerate it.

[Sannah]

Hi dolphins, welcome to PC. I'm sorry that this happened to you. You certainly deserved better. I will support you here.

[needfixing]

the memories of your abuse is part of healing and so is talking about it (((hugs)))
thanks so much for sharing, it was very brave of you.
its ok to take baby steps your headed to the right direction.
there will come a day when talking about this won't have its triggers or paralyze you this i know cuz i was abused too.
always feel free to just be yourself, we are all here for you.

I'm sorry that you had to endure that emotional abuse you posted, possibly physical abuse also. Chilhood should be a time of learning and experimenting while being guided, by adults, toward a healthy future life. That didn't occur for me either. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty about things "they" did. It wasn't about you, they were, it sounds, crazy. Crazy, undiagnosed, people do crazy things. It is a crazy, undiagnosed, world we live in also. I'm sure that deep down in their mind, beneath their crazy actions and words, they loved you. All parents love their kids, some are good at loving, some fail miserably, but under it all is love for their kids. It isn't excusable, but being a parent, I can tell you, parenting is the most diffcult, but most rewarding job I've ever had. I've worked long hard hours for low pay in hellish work enviroments, but parenting is 24/7/365 with no breaks or vacations. It has to be that way, but it is difficult. For me, understanding my parents situation, helped me to forgive and remember the good times of my chilhood experience also. I wish you success also.

[indigo1015]

Hi... you don't need to apologize for anything, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I've experienced similar things (my dad has had drinking problems, to say the least), and I can understand how traumatizing it is. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am glad you shared.

Take your time.

I am so sorry you went thru this.

I have trouble eating in front of people, too. Esp in public. When people are not gentle or when they are negating, that's a very bad place to take in food; it can be literally unsettling. You need to be able to relax and you could not relax in that environment.

My abuse experiences, also, were around food and meals and eating.

Billi