[bluemountains]

All of my siblings either are medicated or self-medicate for mental illnesses. My sister takes an ad, but also abuses pain medications. Recently, her illness and medications got the best of her and she disclosed all of her and my problems to my younger brother-all of the csa, and all of the bad behaviors of the parents. She is 11 years older than my brother, so he would not have any memories of what she told him. I don't really care about her disclosure of my abuse; however, she told my brother that he probably isn't the biological son of my father-probably true, but a very hard bit of news for a man of 47 to handle! Meanwhile, my mother is not living, the possible biological father of his is not living, and my father/abuser is in very bad health.
At this point, I do not know what steps to take in order to help my brother heal from this latest news. I live 200 miles away from my siblings, but I wonder if we should not all consider some type of family counseling to start to heal.
Btw, my father never supported us in any way, except what the courts required of him. He just abused us all in different ways-for my brother it was mental abuse with some physical abuse; however, I think and hope it was not sexual, like mine.
Can anyone offer any thoughts on healing? Although I am not the oldest, I am the only one who currently is strong enough to be in counseling.

Thanks,
Bluemountains

People who aren't ready to participate in the healing and recovery process make very poor candidates for therapy and counseling ... Individual or Familial ... Unless your brother is a minor who has come to you asking for help, I'd say to simply allow what's going on between him and your sister be between them ...

You stated that you're the only one currently strong enough to be in counseling, and I think I'd just continue to work on myself and let all the rest sort itself out over time ...

Good Luck & Best Wishes ...

Sincerely,
BC

I'd agree with brokencloud. You can't be of help to anyone, unless you are mentally healthy first. Sometimes, I've had to let others slide away, because I was in too much trouble myself. It hurts, I know. It is always darkest before the dawn...I wish you success

[Callmebj]

Bluemountains, Your desire to help your brother is wonderful. I am the oldest of 3 and my siblings and I are super close. We talk often and always with a trusting, loving demeanor. Telling each other very often that we love each other, and that is a wonderful experience. we were all in the same boat, so we survived a lot of bad stuff (mom) and it's made us very, very close. Reach out to your brother, by telephone, by email or whatever...and let him know that your love/concern is there. There were also rumors of my brother not belonging to my father.

You sound strong, this revelation by your sister may have been ill-timed and maybe should have been spoken of without bro's presents: but is done...keep showing your love for her too. Sounds like she was talking through a cloud of drugs. If she regrets revealing these things to your unsuspecting brother
it would help if she reached out to him if she is able. Just MHO. Hugs, bj

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Bluemountains, Your desire to help your brother is wonderful. I am the oldest of 3 and my siblings and I are super close. We talk often and always with a trusting, loving demeanor. Telling each other very often that we love each other, and that is a wonderful experience. we were all in the same boat, so we survived a lot of bad stuff (mom) and it's made us very, very close. Reach out to your brother, by telephone, by email or whatever...and let him know that your love/concern is there. There were also rumors of my brother not belonging to my father.

You sound strong, this revelation by your sister may have been ill-timed and maybe should have been spoken of without bro's presents: but is done...keep showing your love for her too. Sounds like she was talking through a cloud of drugs. If she regrets revealing these things to your unsuspecting brother
it would help if she reached out to him if she is able. Just MHO. Hugs, bj

My sister is completely "gone" right now. I am hoping that she keeps an upcoming pdoc appt. next week, although she is not even sure that she still has it scheduled. I hope that my niece will be able to get her there. Meanwhile, I found a therapist in the area who can address our needs (again, I live 200 miles away), and I am hoping that we can go as a family of siblings, but if not, I hope that at least that a couple of us can begin to heal together. I think the together part is the important thing.

Bluemountains

[unaluna]

I'm sorry, blue; you were on your own path, trying to deal, and these things keep escalating.

[TerryL]

Yes I agree with BJ, try to contact your brother by phone/email and ask him how he is feeling about everything and just let him know you love him, and if he is open to therapy, even better. Best wishes to you all.

[mandamoo42]

just hope it works out for you and your siblings bluemountains, best wishes....

[bluemountains]

I tried to help, I researched therapists, made phone calls, and I've been supportive of both my brother and sister. I've decided I have done all I can do and plan to put them and their problems aside for now. My mental health is suffering too much. I feel guilty because our mother is dead, our father was one of our abusers, and we have one brother we don't speak to due to tension with his wife. It is sad to have my family completely fall apart, but I guess it is time to move on. Thanks for all of the advice.
Bluemountains

[Callmebj]

sorry it's this way for you bluemountains. maybe time will change things, but right now, focus on yourself...you've done all you can to make it right. hugs, bj