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#1
Mar 05, 2012, 06:09 PM
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I know I've not posted in this particular forum before but I'm really trying to figure a few things out for myself and I could do with some advice if anyone can help
As a child, I was sharing a bed with another female family member during summer holidays. One night, she began fondling me. I was paralysed by fear, shock, etc. She proceeded to place her fingers inside of me, along with many other things. There wasn't a significant age gap between us. This happened every time I stayed at their house and continued for a long period of time until I eventually stopped staying there. I feel disgusting. Was this abuse? What was this? I hate myself so much. I'm having panic attacks lately and finding it hard to stop thinking about it. This was about 15 years or so ago. Any input would be appreciated. |
 autumnleaves, become_UNmasked, Open Eyes
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#2
Mar 05, 2012, 06:41 PM
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Yes, anyone who touches you that way is doing something they shouldn't do. This may have been something that someone was doing to her and she may not have understood what it meant. And I am sure that you didn't understand it either at that age.
Try to remember what age you were, don't put what you know now into a guilt for what you didn't understand then. Remember this was in your past, it is not taking place now, you feel confused and disgusting because you understand more about sexual things now. Be kinder to yourself than that, never blame yourself for things you didn't understand. These memories are simply unsolved/unresolved so that is why you are thinking of it now. You must tell yourself the truth, though it was a troubling experience you just didn't know better and your ok now, your not a bad person. Sorry that happened to you, but please know that you didn't understand it, and maybe that other girl didn't really understand it either, as I said, someone probably did that to her and she may have thought that is something people just do somehow. ((((Hugs)))) Open Eyes |
 autumnleaves, become_UNmasked, Callmebj, girlonfire
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#3
Mar 05, 2012, 07:02 PM
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This sounds like abuse to me. If it was unwanted and you felt that you had no choice or option to say no, it was abuse. My primary abuser (and my only sexual abuser) was my sister who was older by 6 years. I hope that you can talk through this in therapy. I'm very sorry that you are dealing with the aftermath of abuse.
__________________
"Just as a jewel that has been buried in the earth for a million years is not discolored or harmed, in the same way this noble heart is not affected by all of our kicking and screaming. The jewel can be brought out into the light at any time, and it will glow as brilliantly as if nothing had ever happened. No matter how committed we are to unkindness, selfishness, or greed, the genuine heart of bodhichitta cannot be lost. It is here in all that lives, never marred and completely whole."
Pema Chodron |
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#4
Mar 06, 2012, 11:42 AM
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I would suggest working through this in therapy. Do you have a therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| autumnleaves
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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