[2bme]

How do you deal with flashbacks? Was fine for about a week after revealing all in therapy, but now I'm having flashbacks again. Almost everything triggers it. Feeling desperate and next therapy session only in 2 weeks, cause I live far.

These are something that I have had for a number of years, I am sorry that you have them too, Sorry I don't know how to get rid of them but wanted you to know that I have read this and that I can relate to you

[Purple Heart]

How I deal with Flashbacks is to remember the age I was when that particular abuse happen and scream. Neurologists have done studies that suggest when you connect with the trauma at that age and externalise the pain, this allows you to heal and to no longer have flashbacks for that particular abuse at that particular age. So I ask my child within how old he is that is causing this flashback, ask how he feels and what does he want to do about it. Most of the time he wants to scream. He screams at the abusers in his mind (while in a safe place) then the trauma is healed and you no longer experience that particular flashback again. That's what I've been taught anyway and works for me.

[2bme]

I want to be at that place. To scream at the abusers. At the moment I just scream at myself. My T is trying to make me shift the blame. I find that very difficult. There has been 3 situations ranging from childhood to young adult. Can't make sense of why. It had to be me.

[Purple Heart]

I must admit it took me a loooong time to reach that point where I can put the blame back onto the abusers (in my mind). I did a program last year in Australia that has changed my life and this week will commence to come off my anti-dep's. It is about letting go of what was never meant to be mine but belongs to the abusers. It is also about valuing the child within, listening to him/her and loving him/her.

[2bme]

Wow. So it is possible. That is just wow! Suddenly there is a glimmer of hope and for that I thank you.

[Open Eyes]

((((((2beme)))))),

I am so sorry that you are experiencing flashbacks, when I started experiencing them I couldn't believe it, nor understand how they could just come out of nowhere.

What has helped me is after the flashback happened I tryed to remain calm and just think about what I saw in the flashback, all the details and I surprisingly could remember most of the time what had happened. They are strange because at least for me the flashbacks did not show me in them, but they did show what I was experiencing. Afterwards I would think about it as I mentioned and explain to myself that, yes, that did happen but I am ok now. I just took time on remembering and I continued to reassure myself that now I was ok.

When I asked my therapist about them he explained to me that when we experience something upsetting, especially when we are young, our brains protect us and can shut off the experience and focus on surviving it. But we do retain the experience in our brains and because the experience was upsetting our brains continue to put a protective barrier up so that we can continue to progress and survive. However, sometimes if we try to remember our past the brain will begin to let out these memories, often it does this in just letting out a little at a time, and we can begin to have short flashbacks that come in fragments. Yes, these fragments can be scarey because they do contain the emotions/fear/sense of urgency that we experienced at the time.

These flashbacks 2bme are not punishment nor are they coming forward because you were guilty of anything. In fact 2bme, if you take time to think about them, the fact that they do happen truely means that you WERE NOT RESPONSIBLE for the events and YOU WERE FRIGHTENED AND CONFUSED and you really didn't know what to do, so your brain retained the experience, blocked off what was taking place so you could focus on surviving at the time.

2bme, you are discribing PTSD and yes, experiencing these flashbacks and the confusion is very hard to understand, I hear you, all last year I dealt with them and I was so troubled and confused, I was afraid to talk about my past fearing that some kind of flashback would take place and it is confusing and yes there is a feeling of guilt and sense of powerlessness. The other emotion that is present is ANGER and the anger can come out because we do get upset about the flashbacks and we can become angry at ourselves.

2bme, the most important thing for you to remember is that you MUST BE VERY KIND TO YOURSELF. And when these memories come you need to talk about them and grieve them and learn to sort them out and that yes, these are from experiences in your PAST. But this doesn't mean that you are going to forever be punished by them, or that you will never be the same. It does seem like that and it is upsetting, I hear you. Take time to talk about it with your therapist and learn to slowly resolve these memories to a point that you learn to consciously realize that, yes, bad things did happen, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, and you did survive it and you can work on understanding slowly that YES, there was a bad person that hurt you but now you are safe and you will learn to understand it better and not let it happen again.

2bme, everyone is a little different when they work through PTSD and a history of abuse or other tramas. Working through it starts with recalling troubling events and then talking about them. Often there is a need to talk about them over and over again and many people do not understand this. There will be some people who may comment, "Just get over it" or "Just learn to deal with it". But the truth is, with trama "Just" doing anything simply can not be done. But this doesn't mean you can't get to that point. There will be stages of healing and trying to look at whatever tramas you experienced and all different ways. And the whole purpose of talking about it and that need to repeat it is 1) to present the memory for validation 2) to allow your brain to find a way to resolve it and this takes time 3) to finally be able to morn it as much as you need to morn it 3) to allow the anger and other emotions to be addressed as much as you need that too 4) and finally get to the point where it is just a memory, and you have learned from it, discussed it, been validated and expressed your emotions enough so that you can continue on in life.

2bme, I cannot stress enough how important it is to have the support of others during this process of working through PTSD and trama. It is very important to work with a therapist that can LISTEN, VALIDATE YOU, ALLOW YOU TO DISCUSS IT AS MUCH AS YOU NEED AND ALLOW YOU TO SLOWLY COME TO TERMS WITH IT. It is VERY important that if you have family members, or husband or live around others that these people are directed by your therapist that they must be patient and comforting and extremely supportive.

This IS going to take time 2bme, and if you need to talk about these memories you can come here if you need to and talk about it as much as you need to. Being able to say it and have others sooth and validate you is very important.

If you have people that do not understand, or continueously show anger towards you or mistreat you in anyway, do not allow yourself to be around them. If you cannot be around certain people, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT at all. This doesn't mean you are weak, or that you are a bad person or that you are a failure in any way. What it does mean is that these people cannot give you what you truely need, VALIDATION and SYMPATHY and RESOLVE, and a SAFE ENVIRONMENT.

2bme, I am working on my past too, and I am telling you this here because I didn't have the support and understanding that I needed. In fact my family was cruel to me and I do know that if they had been informed how to respond to me it would have been much easier for me to work through my tramas and PTSD. Once I was able to have my therapist sit with my husband whom is always around me and teach him what I am struggling with and how to help me, it made such a tremendous difference in my ability to get to where I am now. And though I am still struggling, understanding what it means and how I have to work THROUGH it is allowing me to handle it much better.

One of things I have come to understand about trama and PTSD is that there is a great need to repeat.
Our brains, when we experience PTSD are searching for resolve and the need to focus on this resolve is
consuming. Everytime we think of something new, some additional thought or experience, more resolve is needed and it CAN be upsetting and even exhausting. Repeating and discussing these memories and difficulties are very important, every new way of looking at the experience, every little new idea or piece of resolve should be allowed to be discussed. It may seem like you are repeating yourself, well you are, but each time a little bit of resolve is taking place. Every need to repeat and evaluate needs to take place, rest is very important as well and a safe environment needs to be established.

Understand that yes, your brain did get injured and is now making efforts to heal and this process takes a lot of time and each person is different. There are very helpful therapies which include, learning how to breath, slow down breathing and learning methods for self soothing and relaxing, and having SAFE environments where you can be quiet and rest. CBT also helps you sort and address in new ways. Understanding that this IS a process and that you are learning HOW to slowly remember, evaluate, be validated and SLOWLY sort through whatever trama's you DID experience is what you need. SLOWLY finding a path to grieve, sort through, express the emotions, and be validated as much as needed and VERY SLOWLY learn in tiny steps how to finally put these memories away with a resolve that will allow you to recover and move on in your life is very important.

Be kind to yourself 2bme, you CAN work through this, it is not your fault, you are not weak, you are not a failure and you CAN find resolve and understanding.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[Purple Heart]

Wow open eyes there is immense love in your message to 2beme. You explained the dynamics of PTSD and trauma very well. I guess for me I've done the psycho-therapy, cbt and talking which didn't really work for me because I was still so ANGRY. The program I learnt last year has allowed me to let out that anger since I have learnt in therapy what the abuse was I experienced in childhood. For me it is like a boil on the skin that once popped allows all the yucky toxic stuff to come to the surface. This is exactly the same as what I'm doing by EXTERNALISING my anger. I'm healing for the first time and I am no longer depressed. This is what works for me anyway, may not work for others.

[Open Eyes]

Oh thank you Purple Heart, but I didn't cover the anger, and that is something I too deal with. I have experienced some very troubling things in my past and have good reason to be very angry. It sure wasn't ever easy and I know that I put up with more than most would. But after the experience I had where I just lost so much and the negligence that took place that could have been addressed avoiding so much loss was just too much for me. Honestly, I was so overwhelmed with so many emotions all at once I broke and went into shock. I had no idea what was taking place, and I could have never imagined this PTSD and what it means, what trama can present in the brain.

I truely did not know how to deal with all that emotion, especially the anger. I still have that haunting me. I am trying very hard to understand this PTSD and last year was really bad. Flashbacks were coming out and I had no idea what that meant AT ALL. The flashbacks that came out shook me and frightened me to the core. And I felt incredibly betrayed because I had thought that I had made peace with my past, never expected this PTSD AT ALL.

And other people understanding it? Oh that was so hard on me, everyone had the same answer "Just" Deal, get over, forget, put it behind you, sort it out, work through it, just get out, go work out excercise and the list goes on. BUT someone who is in the throws of PTSD CANNOT DO THAT. I was so hard on myself because no matter how hard I tried, I could not do what everyone kept telling me to "JUST" do. I have never felt so alone in my whole life, never felt so lost, like I had failed somehow. I was in a very bad state of mind last year.

I didn't deserve that, I deserved support and to have PTSD explained to me and most importantly that with PTSD someone cannot "Just". It truely takes time in therapy, the right support, SO IMPORTANT. To the depths of me, I feel very bad for anyone who struggles alone and is confused. Trama has an effect on the brain so it is truely not a "Just" anything. It takes time to work slowly and methodically to help the brain recover and that CAN happen with time and support and understanding.

It can be treated one CAN recover in time. SUPPORT is very important and most of all not being told by others to "Just" anything. And I do not want anyone who experiences flashbacks to feel like they failed at anything. There is a reason for them, they can be sorted out with good therapy and time and they should be explained.

Each person is different depending on what they experienced, but PTSD is hard for everyone and everyone deserves support and time to recover. If someone is around family, husband etc, these people should be told WHAT PTSD TRUELY MEANS. That was not done for me and it really IS important. And there is enough now known about it so it can be explained to family members. I truely feel bad for all those that did not have that opportunity in the past.

I am still working in therapy myself, and yes the anger is hard for me and I am trying to work on that as well. It is a hard trigger to extinguish, yes. My heart goes out to everyone who struggles with PTSD.

Open Eyes

[RainbowRoad]

I... I honestly don't feel like I could add to this. So much love and knowledge and experience is shared here... I'm humbled.

I just wanted to let you know that I, too, am suffering from flashbacks. I didn't want you to feel alone... but then I read through all the comments, and I feel so strengthened and encouraged. I think I'm going to cry...

[2bme]

Thank you all. Everything so well explained. I do suffer anger. That is almost the only emotion. And that anger is all focused on me. My T is trying hard to let me shift my anger. I'm going to print out the advice. Maybe reading it over and over will make me understand.
Yesterday I read RainbowRoad's story and for the first time in more that 20 year I cried. So I can't be all dead, can I?
For many years I buried everything that happened. It took me walking in on a guy urinating in a basin at outpatients uni-sex toilet to make EVERYTHING rushing to the surface! that was 6 weeks ago. So we changed direction in therapy. About 3 weeks ago I told the last story. I was like - this isn't so bad. No reaction, no crying ect. For about a week after that. Then the flashbacks started.
Living far from T means not frequent sessions. She warned me that it will take time.
Thanx againf for all your support and advice. I'm in unknown territory.

(((All of you))))

[Purple Heart]

I'm also humbled by people's strength and courage to face their 'demons' from the past. I guess for me 2bme I've been confronting this stuff for many years so it is now second nature. And bascially now know what had happened to me in childhood. The remaining thing is the PTSD which includes flashbacks. In the past I use to have panic attacks nearly every day. That was a hard time. Now I try to communicate with the child within so as to heal from the childhood trauma. Currently i'm externalising the anger which is very healing and carthartic.

[WantingtoHeal]

What exactly is a flashback? I have images that rush back into my head that I can't stand and I try to get them out of my head, but I don't know if that is a flashback.

[Cotton ball]

Thank you Open Eyes...wonderful insight and expressed very well.

[2bme]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

What exactly is a flashback? I have images that rush back into my head that I can't stand and I try to get them out of my head, but I don't know if that is a flashback.

It is like you reliving a experience. It is not always the whole experience. There isn't a trigger. Sometimes I can get panic attacks from smells, but flashbacks just happens. It is totally involuntary memories extremely powerful. It feels real.

[likewater]

(((2bme))) i'm sorry for your pain. I wish the crap people said was true. "God doesnt give us more than we can handle." Or my
Ipersonal favorite,"everything happens for a reason." People that say such things haven' t seen experienced what i have. God is good
, He didnt "give" me the experiences that caused my ptsd. And those experiences WERE more than i could handle or i wouldnt have a brain that felt like scambled eggs. Also there was NO reason for that suffering. It was bad, evil, and pure insanity. It was not my higher power working in mysterious ways. Maybe my higher power can salvage some good out of it not because He works miracles but i will punch anyone who says He caused any of those incidents to happen.

So, flashbacks suck. Here is what helps me:

Calling out to higher power(can wake me up from nightmares too)
Reminding myself what year it is now and what age i am now
Physical movement with another person(playing catch works well)
Removing myself from triggering environment
Petting / hugging dog or cat
Getting beverage or glass of water
Washing my face
Eft(emotional freedom tapping)

[Mogie]

I'm with you. There have been times when everything seems to be moving along, and then WHAM I get hit with triggers, and flashbacks, and memories. I've asked myself a hundred times...what did I do to deserve this! Not a dang thing! Flashbacks are no fun...I'm dealing with them too right now. I feel much better though reading through the different posts. Hang in there!