could someone explain this..

from an email my t sent today. when i told her i wasnt sure how ok i would be when showing her some poems tomorrow.

~~It is important that you feel your emotions around the trauma can be contained in the counselling process before opening the trauma dialogue.~~

does this mean she wants me to tell and talk about it. without it looking like it bothers me.

To me, it sounds like she just wants you to share when you feel comfortable that opening it up won't cause it to leak out into the rest of your life. "Contained in the counseling process" means that the emotions that get stirred up should stay between the two of you, during your counseling sessions, and that they won't come up and surprise-attack when you are not in a counseling session. Does that make sense? I'm no expert... That's just how it seems to read, to me.

I very much doubt that she wants you to be able to talk to her about it without acting like it bothers you. That would be pretty much impossible, and contrary to the whole process of healing in the first place. Sounds more like she wants you to be comfortable and to feel safe enough to share.

Going through trauma work is very intense and difficult. One of the most challenging things for a T is to be able to "contain" the work inside sessions (as much as possible). When therapy starts opening up those sealed doors, life can change very suddenly like a giant spring thunderstorm.

Your T's email is very compassionate. Your T does not want you to be in any danger after you open up those wounds. But I know it is also important to go through the trauma healing. It is almost like the birthing process. It comes in waves and can be calm one hour and intense agony the next.

Be sure you are VERY honest with your T about what YOU need and why you need it. If you are already starting to go through the flashbacks or other parts of trauma work, and the emotions are already something you are dealing with on your own, be sure to let T know those things. Sometimes a T can plan trauma work with clients who are stable but need to work through the past. Sometimes the trauma work just happens because of triggers or such bringing it forward. Whatever it is going on, you have to be honest with your T about it.

What I found is that my T needed for me to be able to keep myself safe when I was not in his office (which was 3-5 times a week while going through the trauma work). We had safety plans and such. I was allowed to email him as much as I needed. That saved him calls at midnight while flashbacks were going on. And it allowed me to stay safe by being able to turn to him when I needed him the most.

Big hugs!

thank you rainbowroad and wepow!

i thought i did something wrong. and that she didnt like me. or want to work with me.

(((((Suzzie))))) You are doing great. Just keep being TOTALLY honest with your T. That is the only way to heal and get through this.

I agree with the above answers and I've also been doing my own trauma work for a long time. Perhaps, the poems you described are about feelings about the trauma. Ok, so they can get you in touch with your feelings re: this. You need to do this in a safe environment to learn how to deal with flashbacks etc. while you are not in her office. She has to walk a fine line by letting your feelings out and containing them enough so you can safely go home in 50 minutes. Good luck, and post a followup on how it went if you want. Take Care.

Is this your current therapist that sent you a response through email? Anything that a therapist "says", should be said face to face; unless it's a crisis situation that needs to be dealt with over the phone.
The most effective way to find out what your therapist "means", is to ask her. Guessing and assuming can only help so much, and it can lead to many little misunderstandings or one big misunderstanding that can work against both of your efforts in your therapy.
I would suggest asking her face to face. When you ask her face to face, if that is possible, I would start out saying, "the message you sent me made me feel confused, so I'd like to know if you could explain a little about it and what it means to you and to our therapy together."
One concern I have from your post; you seem to be worried or a bit self critical of yourself/of how you come across or present yourself to others....if that's true, it would be helpful to talk about that, ONLY when you are ready to talk about it. Never pressure yourself or let your therapist pressure you. Only a true professional therapist will let you take as much time as you need for you to feel as comfortable and safe as possible before you open up and share your most personal private feelings, pain, emotions..etc.
There's no way anyone can know what your therapist means except your therapist; and that's only if she tells the truth. But since your self worth comes first, therapists can't always tell the truth.
Her message seems a bit vague to me, I would ask for her CLARIFICATION on the subject she's pertaining to. About your poems, or about the trauma, or about your therapeutic relationship.
I'm a little worried that she says, "BEFORE opening the trauma dialogue.." It worries me, because a client/patient should be able to open any dialogue they want to anytime they feel comfortable or it's the right time to do so.
Your therapist is there to guide you and give you interpretations when appropriate, BUT they are also there to RESPECT YOUR OWN "TIMING". In other words, it's your therapy, and you have a right to talk about whatever you want to talk about.
Her responsibilities for your self worth and mental health DO NOT include minimizing your own confidence in yourself to be able to bring up a subject that has caused you much pain and distress whenever you yourself would like to talk about it.
Might be wise to remind her that you are capable of feeling and knowing when the "right" time is to talk about things that concern you in the "here and now" in your own therapy. If she doesn't let you talk about what you want to talk about WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT...then I'd suggest trying to find a new therapist...if that's a possibility for you.
I'd also recommend avoiding "counselors" if you can. They don't have the expertise, knowledge, experience, (professionalism), that a Clinical Psychologist (Ph.d) would have. Counselors can be helpful for more "surface" material; but for "traumas" and other deep seated issues...they're simply not qualified.
And it seems like she's indirectly telling you that you are not containing your emotions within the therapeutic setting (boundaries). You might want to ask her to please be more specific (face to face), when discussing boundaries (telephone calls), leaving messages, emails, regression when not in the therapy room in her presence...etc.
Your poems must be beautiful; poems can be beautiful even when they contain painful emotions. I would encourage you to continue writing, and ask her specifically what the meaning was behind her message.
I wish you the best...I know it's confusing sometimes, or most of the time, (for me), but it's worth it to learn more about yourself and help come to terms with things that have happened and continue to affect you (us)