[bluemountains]

I am wondering how I will know when I have finally reached the end in the sharing of my memories in therapy/journaling. Has anyone ever made it to the "end"? I just feel like I will always be in therapy, especially when my t says that we have just begun and I have been going to see her for 5 months. I am having to scale back on work just to get enough time gathered for therapy and pdoc appointments. This abuse stuff sucks!
Bluemountains

[2bme]

I hope so! Want it out and want it gone!! Don't feel bad about 5 months of therapy. Feels like I've been going forever. True, only recently started to deal with the crappy stuff. I'm just trying to be patient. Telling myself it can't last forever. I have to agree with your last piece - found myself laughing. Yes, it sucks!
((Hug))

[Sannah]

I have been working on myself for over 30 years. (Not all in therapy!) It gets better and easier, though, because the first stuff is the hardest but also improves your life a lot so that the rest of the work isn't so bad and you start to enjoy life. The improvements come in layers. My self worth improved in about 5 layers.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I have been working on myself for over 30 years. (Not all in therapy!) It gets better and easier, though, because the first stuff is the hardest but also improves your life a lot so that the rest of the work isn't so bad and you start to enjoy life. The improvements come in layers. My self worth improved in about 5 layers.

Yikes! Only 29.5 more years to go!

Seriously, Sannah, thank you for your input. I hope to at least experience the layers, soon.
Bluemountains

[Sannah]

The last ten years have been very enjoyable. I have been putting the icing on the cake. The first ten years were slow work and stumbling. The middle 10 years were when I was doing the therapy and intense work.

i don't know if all comes out...i don't think it all has too. i have reached a point where i know enough...have talked thru & reasoned & made peace with enough.

it happened. it was real...dissecting another1 or 10 or what ever number of memories isn't going to make a difference in things...it's the quality of healing not the quantity.

every now & then i'll figure out another part of my history..i don't run to the therapist with it..usually i just recognize it & tuck it back away...unless i think it is something that really needs to be handled.

look at it this way..do you recall everything that happened last week? i mean everything. or last month. probably not. so how can you worry about something that happened back many years.

i have pieces of memories..not all of it makes sense...time line wise. that's ok too. i was a kid. trying to figure out what was happening. kids memories as a whole don't always make sense because they are kids...much less when they are being abused. so will i know all the pieces of a specific puzzle memory? probably not.

be gentle. you don't have to recall every single one..in the right order. you will know when you have enough...enough to make peace with yourself.

[Open Eyes]

Stumpy has a point here. I think that the important thing to accomplish is to learn how to re-establish our ability to once again slowly gain the ability to overcome instead of panic and allow the anxiety to build up. We do not have to make it a point to dig into the past and remember every bad thing that we ever experienced. I think that in the beginning when the PTSD presents itself and it brings forward some other troubling memories we begin to think that, "Oh, I have to go over every detail of all the bad to get better somehow". And as stumpy mentioned, no, we do not have to do that, REALLY, so don't just assume that. If something comes up and begins to bother and trouble, then yes address it and work on finding a resolve and allow yourself to overcome it.

Oh, it sounds easy, no, it isn't easy, but we CAN build our ability to have the capacity to control the way we can be overwhelmed with anxiety. And yes, sometimes we can get triggered and have to again work on it more, but I think with time we can begin to learn and understand HOW to accomplish that and that we CAN.

Sannah is right about the layers, but it can happen sooner if we learn to understand what that means better. And if we get the right support that helps us apply ourselves to the rebuilding process, that is so helpful. That is why it is important to have a therapist that understands it and truely listens, validates and encourages along with showing us patience and understanding support.

Open Eyes

[lastChance2change]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

I am wondering how I will know when I have finally reached the end in the sharing of my memories in therapy/journaling. Has anyone ever made it to the "end"? I just feel like I will always be in therapy, especially when my t says that we have just begun and I have been going to see her for 5 months. I am having to scale back on work just to get enough time gathered for therapy and pdoc appointments. This abuse stuff sucks!
Bluemountains

I am sorry for your feelings of frustration and the abuse you have suffered. I have never been physically abused, only emotionally. But I can tell you that it has caused me a lifetime of misery, depression, "borderline personality disorder", panic attacks, OCD, suicidal thoughts, outbursts of rage...etc...; and even though most of my maladaptive behavioral patterns have ceased, it's still a struggle every day to remind myself that I am worth the effort of finding the goodness in myself.
5 months is a very short therapy time table....especially for any persons who have been abused. It took me at least 3 years to trust my therapist enough to even think about how I was going to "get better".
I have only recently begun to "change" for the better.
Individual psychotherapy CAN be an extremely long process. I think some therapists and clients will try their best to stick to the time tables, if they have made any; but in the end, it all depends on how quickly your own self-defense mechanisms can be brought down in order to really experience ALL your "issues" or "events" that affect you in the present, and how resilient you are to the emotional distress that comes from sharing personal painful experiences. We're all resilient to some extent. But it depends on when you are ready, not your therapist, to explore everything...literally everything...without experiencing regression to the point of being emotionally tortured the rest of the week when you're not in the therapeutic setting.
As much as I hope your therapy goes much quicker than mine did, I hate to say that the first 5 months for me...even the first year for me, was just the very tip of the iceberg....but everybody's different.
It took my therapist 7 years to CONVINCE ME that I could TRUST HIM...trust him enough to talk about things that i was unable to FULLY experience when I had first started therapy with him 7 years ago.
I feel for you and hope for the best for you and your therapy..it just takes time.