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#1
Apr 17, 2012, 02:40 PM
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Hello.
I am triggered badly right now. Because I am in the process, still, of having my teeth taken care of. I went to this dentist last night because of some more terrible pain on a 7 on the scale. I was looking online for emergency dental care and found this guy in my area. He's a certain nationality. (I posted earlier about feeling triggered by people of ethnic groups because I was abused by them growing up---not racist, just triggered and I want to deal with it). He took care of me last night when I was feeling so awful and he was nice to me. Did not abuse me, but my mind is confused and crosswired again becaue I "fall in love" with men who are nice to me. gd it. I hate that! I hate that! I hate that! I hate that! When will I get over THAT?! Bruce my roommate told me to call this dentist just now to follow up with and adjustment on my night guard and I don't know if I can. I feel like running for my life. Someone else on here shared in a thread about "running away". My adult part knows I need to deal. But I don't feel like I can. I want to run! Just checking in. I hate how I react to nice men. I hate that. I want to never talk to him again. I am so gd afraid of my reactions! I don't trust myself and I don't trust them to not take advantage of me! Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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#2
Apr 17, 2012, 02:41 PM
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I am reading my "message for the week".
I must not be scared; I am where I need to be NOW. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#3
Apr 18, 2012, 08:15 AM
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I can understand how you would still be afraid even when the men are nice. (Your abusers would be nice before/after they abused you?)
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 Anonymous32463, BrokenNBeautiful
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#4
Apr 19, 2012, 01:04 PM
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I think I have more trouble trusting myself and my own behavior right now.
Many survivors don't know what's appropriate for others to behave toward us *as well as* what's appropriate behavior that we behave. How many many times have ppl looked at me the wrong way because I acted weird because of boundary issues. I have *never* s*xually abused anyone, but I have always had boundary issues and ppl have often accused me of being inappropriate or they looked at me funny for my own behavior (the way I used to dress or some things I would say, or the wild crushes I had on men). so I am just as afraid (or more) of myself as I might be of them. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
| Sannah
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#5
Apr 19, 2012, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
So when they were nice or caring or supportive, that was often a prelude to trouble. Then they would look at me funny for acting so scared. As you might have surmised, he was very professional and kind. And I was extremely vulnerable; in so much pain and so scared. UGH. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
| Sannah
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#6
Apr 19, 2012, 07:03 PM
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Quote:
I googled this particular dentist online to see if he might be a s offender. I did not find that out, but I did find out on yelp that he is nice to patients in order to "hook them in" and then he is verbally abusive and yells at them and does not explain things and is very intimidating. One woman described his behavior as "menacing"! I saw several bad reviews and no good ones on yelp and also on some other sites. Call me paranoid. But I need to trust myself and if I did not sense him being a s offender, I must have sensed bait and fortunately did not take it! I am going somewhere else. I really hate that I was in a vulnerable place the other night and ended up seeing him. I was in pain. We cannot always judge someone when we really need help in a moment! I still hate it! $400 for an emergency visit---a prescript for pain meds, his "nice behavior bait" and now my bite is off even more! Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#7
Apr 19, 2012, 07:04 PM
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and i cannot afford any more to put myself in another abusive situation if I can help it!
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#8
Apr 23, 2012, 08:46 AM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| BrokenNBeautiful
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#9
Apr 26, 2012, 12:27 PM
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My bite is better now. I also have TMJ and that can throw it.
Still I am not going back to him. thanks, Sannah. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
 Sannah
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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