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#1
Apr 27, 2012, 03:29 AM
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i frequently think i'm not real, nothing is real, i died and just don't know it yet, til the demons come get me. went camping with friends in woods and demons came and friends chased them away but scared it's all a trick and am really dead and demons playing games to add to torture
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 Anonymous37781, bohogypsy, BrokenNBeautiful, eskielover, kindachaotic, Puffyprue, suzzie
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#2
Apr 27, 2012, 09:22 AM
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You are real because I'm reading your post and I'm real. Sorry that you are in distress.
 Do you have a therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 carrie_ann
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#3
Apr 27, 2012, 02:52 PM
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Quote:
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| carrie_ann, kindachaotic, Puffyprue
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#4
Apr 27, 2012, 06:11 PM
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no therapist |
| BrokenNBeautiful
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#5
Apr 27, 2012, 06:13 PM
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i hope so |
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#6
Apr 29, 2012, 08:07 AM
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Hi again I replied to your other post. Do you think you might be psychotic? I really recommend you see a doctor or psychiatrist as you may have a mental illness that is producing the 'demons'.
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#7
Apr 29, 2012, 09:27 AM
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Quote:
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#8
Apr 30, 2012, 12:09 AM
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Psychotic is when a person experiences things that are not real. They may see or hear things that are not actually occuring in reality. It is produced by a mind that is not working properly due to mental illness. I strongly suggest you see a psychiatrist to discuss these experiences you have and medication can help remove these visions.
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#9
Apr 30, 2012, 01:16 AM
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i appreciate your trying to help but you obviously know nothing about childhood ritual abuse survivors. these "visions" as you call them are quite common in cases like mine and are a result of severe complex ptsd not psychosis. i've already told you i'm aware of my various mental illnesses, yes i have seen a psychiatrist (who specializes in childhood ra survivors), no meds do not stop flashbacks/ hallucinations related to the rituals. |
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#10
Apr 30, 2012, 04:10 PM
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You are real, you are alive.
Feeling ureal is a defense mechanism. Abuse hurts and is terrifying and you are just coping. You are normal. what happened to you was not! Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
| carrie_ann
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| carrie_ann
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#11
May 01, 2012, 04:50 AM
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You know whats strange, I often feel this way..I feel like I am living in absolutely no time...Im just existing and doing what the world requires of me while at the same time it carries no meaning whatsoever.
Sometimes to be real means to face horrible things....its easier to be unreal. When I have flashbacks, and they are in front of people...It feels terribly isolating and I feel like Im a freak, so I end up feeling like all of this crap cant be real...the flashback, the world..its all just too much. I think maybe what helps me is to express myself, to journal and write poetry, ...and therapy. Its so hard to go through this alone. RA is something that numbs the mind and makes realities merge and fog....it hurts and its like falling down a neverending well. Im so sorry you had to go through so much that has caused these reactions in you, but they are actually there to pretect you, from experiencing too much, I suppose. Hang in there, if u ever need anything feel free to pm.
__________________
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| carrie_ann
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| carrie_ann
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#12
May 05, 2012, 03:14 AM
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the devil came. he doesn't like me trying to be good. he's punished me. i am on countdown now.
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| Anonymous37781
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#13
May 05, 2012, 09:52 AM
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What is a countdown? What happened?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| carrie_ann
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#14
May 05, 2012, 07:57 PM
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You need to get back with the pdoc/psychologist who was treating you for RA. I only experienced a few days of an abuse which had nothing to do with RA & I know that the flashbacks & the depersonalization that happens when stress hits me is real.
Those horrible people who put you through the RA & dealing with the demons were horrible people. I hope that you do not have to associate with them any longer in your life. The devil & demons are real.....God provides our way of fighting them, but if you don't have that knowledge, it can be that same helpless feeling that you had when you were going through it initially. Hold onto your good.....don't let the devil or the demons change the good you are holding onto. They can't force you to stop being good but I know that life can feel pretty miserable in the battle. Every person has an internal struggle between good & evil & we all have to fight hard to keep evil from winning many times. It's a battle but you can win with this struggle to gain the control over the bad that was done to you.
__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#15
May 05, 2012, 11:54 PM
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Sannah, my doc gave up trying to find me a therapist years ago, she couldn't find one who specializes in RA or DID. she did get me a counsellor once for ptsd but i gave up after a few weeks as i was having to teach her everything which was making things worse. turns out the "counsellor" had just done one of these weekend courses. geez! countdown ... an RA thing. what the demons do when they come. sorry, too delicate for details atm but basically, when it happens, i truly believe they will come back and take me in x amount of hours if i do not do as they demand. it sounds whacked but when it happens, it's real to me. a few things happened which triggered me. i know drying out from booze doesn't help, i don't get just normal dt's, all the RA crap comes crashing in. |
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#16
May 06, 2012, 12:11 AM
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@ eskielover ... sorry but i'm an atheist with a strong fear of religion but thanx for taking the time to reply.
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| Anonymous37781
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#17
May 06, 2012, 01:50 AM
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 No devils.. no demons... no punishment. Hang in there
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| carrie_ann
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#18
May 08, 2012, 08:29 AM
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That was years ago. Can you try to find a therapist again?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#19
May 08, 2012, 11:24 AM
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i could try but it would mean going thru the whole mh assessment process again. i found it gruelling enough the last time, esp as a therapist couldn't even be found at the end of it.
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#20
May 09, 2012, 09:29 AM
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How many years ago did you do it before?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#21
May 09, 2012, 12:52 PM
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the last time i tried was 2008 ... but i see my sw and dv worker tomorrow, i was thinking about seeing what they think about trying again. they're both very protective so if i do decide to try going thru the system again, i know they'd come with me if i want.
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#22
May 09, 2012, 07:01 PM
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You might have better options after 4 years. Therapy has really evolved in the last decade. Keep us posted. Good luck!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| carrie_ann
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