I'm compiling an abuser-to-English dictionary. Please contribute, if you wish.

"I miss you."
---- "I miss abusing you."

"I just want you to be happy."
---- "I want you to *enjoy* living under my thumb." OR
---- "I want you to pretend you're happy, and shut up about how miserable I make you."

"I only want what's best for you."
---- "I want whatever makes *me* look best."

"I'm only trying to help."
---- "I'm trying to help you feel incompetent, so you'll stay dependent on me."

"You've changed."
---- "You're not letting me abuse you anymore."

"Why can't you just let it go?"
---- "I'm never going to admit I was wrong, so you might as well shut up."

"Can't you take a joke?"
---- "It was a deliberately cruel statement, but I thought you'd be too stupid to figure that out." OR
---- "I demand the right to insult you without being held accountable for it."

"It didn't happen that way. I didn't say or do that. You're remembering it wrong."
---- "It happened exactly as you say, but I'd rather pretend you're crazy than admit it."

"Oh, WOW! You did great! I'm so proud of you!" Depending on context:
---- "You made me look good."
---- "You surprised me. I didn't think you'd actually succeed."
---- "Uh-oh, I'd better overcompensate and pretend I'm happy for you, because coming right out and saying I'm jealous because you outdid me would unmask me for what I am."

"I'm sorry you're upset." OR
"I'm sorry you took it that way."
---- "While I'm trying to pass this off as a genuine apology, I'm absolving myself of any actual responsibility. Not only am I wording it in a way that sounds like it's your fault, but if you don't accept this as a genuine apology, I'm going to blame you again and call you unforgiving."

[siriushousewife]

All things said by my ex......

"You are crazy. You've said so yourself. I'm not the crazy one here"
----you are freaking batsh*t crazy to be with me, and yet you are.
----trust me to tell you what you think. you don't know your own mind

"You were going to cut yourself, I had to stop you"

---i noticed you self harming, and remembered how much I enjoy harming you. So I saved you the effort and decided to take matters into my own hands, quite literally.

"You drove me to that point with your behavior"
----I completely lack impulse control, but it's easier to blame you than try and work on myself

"Who would want you anyhow?"

----I'd better knock down your self worth before you decide to cheat on me or tell anyone what I'm really like

Right, they're big on that last one. "You're lucky I put up with you. Nobody else would." They'll convince us we're fat, ugly, lousy housekeepers, terrible cooks, and neglectful mothers, all of which translates to, "I'd better make you think you're undesirable, or else you'll leave me, and I'll be without a punching bag."

My ex was the same way. As long as I was in therapy and he wasn't, or he was sitting in on my sessions as the supportive spouse, with me as the identified patient, he could tell me, himself and others I was the crazy one. Never mind his substance abuse, his chronic joblessness, or his violent temper. I was the one with the problem, as evidenced by the fact that I had to see a shrink and he didn't. On occasion, such as after he beat me up and I was getting ready to leave him, he'd admit he needed help and might even make an intake appointment. But then I'd stay, and he wouldn't follow through on getting that help. (Almost 30 years later, he's still never sobered up, and would be homeless if he weren't mooching off one of our daughters.)

[purple_fins]

"I'm sorry for whatever you think I did to hurt you"
an empty apology--

"You never needed anything-- you've always been too independent"

ohhh, the severe neglect was my fault.

"I sure wish _____ was my daughter"

you had 5 .... if none of us "rate" then who's the common denominator....

"You shouldn't have had kids, it's too hard on you"

--- I need you all for myself- I don't want to "share" with the kids.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it like that."

Endless variations:
"Maybe she's having a bad day."
"He's not feeling well."
"She has problems, poor thing."
"He's worried about his job."
"She can't help it."

Translation for all of them:

"Everyone deserves sympathy and a free pass for their behavior, except you. Even if someone says something undeniably hurtful, I'm going to try and make you feel like it's your fault for taking it badly, not their fault for saying a mean thing. You're always the one who's wrong, and I'm always going to take the other person's side against yours. And don't you forget it."

[madisgram]

"i give you everything you want."
"i control you and your feelings"
"no one loves you..not your mother not the rest of your family. i'm the only one who'll put up with you."

[Purple Heart]

An amazing dictionary.

[Bill3]

"I was just kidding."

--you thought for yourself and called me on what I said

I just encountered this one.

"Leave the past in the past."
---- "I don't want to acknowledge it. I'm trying to ignore your pain and pretend it never happened, so shut up about it."

[notz]

"You're too sensitive"
--I'm not going to validate your feelings, you're just a bother and I'm going to bully you anyway

"This is for your own good"
--take your clothes off so I can beat you with your daddy's belt

[Lauru]

"You're so pretty" = I am going to sexually use and abuse you and then pretend it is your fault by saying you are pretty and insinuating you tempted me with your feminine wiles. When you are only 5 years old.

[Lauru]

"That never happened" = "Damn she is telling, ****, I can't believe it. Holy crap!

[Open Eyes]

My sister says; I am having mom and dad all of Christmas Eve, All of Christmas day so if you want to see them you have to come to MY house where I have all the control. That is what I always wanted ever since you were little,control of you ALL OF YOU, EVEN YOUR LITTLE BODY. But it is too late to tell mommy and daddy now, they are too old, ha ha, after all we must make their final days as comfortable for them as possible.

If you make any fuss I will continue to say, all you want to do is make it all about you. I prefer you look crazy because that way I can continue to have all the control.

Oh, you tried to call dad on his cell while he was at my house, I had to make sure you heard my comments in the back ground. I don't care about this thing you say you have this PTSD. You better not say anything bad about me, I already have everyone convinced your the crazy one. Ha, Ha, now you didn't get to see mom and dad for the holidays, and I get to blame it all on you because after all I sent you an invitation.

No, I don't care, its not important that you cant come near me, your brain is so crippled even by my voice that you spin in hopeless circles of flashbacks. You were always weak anyway, never could fight back. I had the control, after all I was always bigger than you, four years older, bigger, wiser.

Oh yeah, I made sure your daughter doesn't want you around either. Yeah, I think its great that she learned how to play my mind games and excluded you from her holiday gathering. Yes she invited your husband, who drank and SA abused you too, but no one wants to hear about that. Great, he may know now, we want to cripple him too, so he is unhappy.

No, you all didn't see how angry my husband was for days, even I couldn't figure it out. That is because he knows now, talked to two therapists, witnessed the sick mind games being played on someone who just cannot seem to defend herself, no, her brain scrambles and flashes back, exhausts her, cripples her. She just wants to completely disappear now.

We love to hurt you on the holidays, make you suffer, so we can have the control or whatever it is they all want. Its just beyond me how sick and twisted people can be.

I am just worn out.

At least the brother who was punished for having a disorder and SA me stays away.

I did the best I could, lived around all of you, thought that that was supposed to be done, accept people for what they are get along. Well, I can't make believe anymore. I just cant play the mind game stuff.
I just am getting too old and I am tired of giving into the controling sickos. Now my brain has just had it.

I would like someone to please translate, "Of course I'm not perfect. Nobody is." I don't know quite how to word it.

[openwindow]

"Of course I'm not perfect. Nobody is." usually means (at least to my parents) "I know my behavior is wrong, but I'm SURE not about to stop."

[notablackbarbie]

a) thanks for the compliment ...i tried despite being burdened with rotten kids like you
b) why are you still bothering me with all that mess?!?!?
c) who are you to TALK *scoffs* when you...(leading to listing all of your mistakes a la "at least im not...")
Do these work

[Bill3]

I would like someone to please translate, "Of course I'm not perfect. Nobody is."

"I dismiss your reasonable requests for better behavior by making it sound like you are demanding perfection."

[notablackbarbie]

"Come home sweetheart...its ok; noone's mad at you anymore"
HOW DARE YOU TELL ANYONE ELSE OUTSIDE ABOUT WHAT GOES ON HERE!! Watch, just watch and see what happens when you get your worthless *** back in here...

"Im SOOoooo tired (cause im old/im sick/it was so long ago)"
Im really just done with you. You are pathetic. I AM DONE wasting my time on such a worthless pile of **** like you, im sick of THAT *looks at you up and down* as well as everything else that fell apart - starting with you. There is no point anymore, i give up and going to focus on me. You are a screw up, case closed...just go away.

Originally Posted by Bill3

"I dismiss your reasonable requests for better behavior by making it sound like you are demanding perfection."

Excellent!

Originally Posted by notablackbarbie

a) thanks for the compliment ...i tried despite being burdened with rotten kids like you
b) why are you still bothering me with all that mess?!?!?
c) who are you to TALK *scoffs* when you...(leading to listing all of your mistakes a la "at least im not...")
Do these work

They do well, especially the last one, which makes me think of my first husband. If ever I confronted him with something I didn't like, within minutes he will have skillfully turned the discussion around to where we're talking about every shortcoming I've ever had, every time I've failed. And I'm apologizing to HIM for all my faults. That thing he did wrong, the original issue I brought up? Forgotten.

"I *said* I was sorry."
--I'm not going to act sorry, or change my ways, but the fact that I spoke the words should exonerate me. You're unreasonable if you confront me again, even though I'm going to continue acting the same way I always have.

[Erti]

Don't tell your mom or I'll get into trouble

"don't tell your mom or you'll get into trouble"

Originally Posted by openwindow

"Of course I'm not perfect. Nobody is." usually means (at least to my parents) "I know my behavior is wrong, but I'm SURE not about to stop."

Sorry I missed seeing this answer before, and welcome to PC. Apparently I was scrolling down the page too fast, and sped right by it. This is a fine translation, and the truth.

[Nemo39122]

"It was an accident!"
Meaning: "I'm going to change my story to make you look over-dramatic. You're the only one at fault in any this, not me/him/etc. How dare you have psychological effects from abuse!"

[Polykronic]

"He said it never happened" OR "he said you're taking it all out of context."

--It's easier and more comfortable to believe nothing happened even when I know it's a lie, so we're going to pretend you're crazy