[SweetSunshine]

I Need I want to talk about this but I cant get it out . I've tried since yesterday when I got hom from therapy and I just cant. It wont come out. My t tried to help me talk about it cause it was trying to come out in there . Last week it was all because of last week and that damned test I had . If it wasnt for that ... IF I HANT CONSENTED TO THAT TEST... I woulnt be feeling this pain now. It woulnt have surfaced. WHY DID I DO THS TO MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHYYY????????????

bethy.. im so sorry you are having such a rough time and that there is so much pain inside You are in my thoughts, friend. We care!

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((bethy)))))))))))))))))

please be very easy with yourself right now. know we're here and keep in close contact with t.

love,

kd

[wisewoman]

Beth, you did nothing wrong. I am happy to chat with you or p.m., your trigger once said outloud loses a lot of power. Please be nice to my friend.

[Evangelista]

(((Bethy)))

Sorry your in such pain..be gentle with yourself as you process this..

[csavage]

I"m not an expert, but maybe this is a hurdle that you have to get across and it was put right in your path to do just that. Just blurt it out, no matter how hard, we all love you unconditionally here, we don't want to judge you. I know God doesn't bring you to this kind of stuff, but I do know that he'll bring you THROUGH this. (((((((((((bethy)))))))))). I prayed for you on schedule the other day, and haven't gotten a chance to get back in touch with you. Sorry it was so triggering for you. Be safe.

[SweetSunshine]

EV~ Thanks for your support , I just wish there was an easy way of getting this all out. And theres not gonna be .

Kimmy ~ Ty for the hug. My T doesnt offer email or a persona way of getting a hold of him after hours. The clinic has an emergency phone number to call after hours and I wont use that. I've already expressed so many times why. I dont care to repeat myself again. TY For your kindness.

Wisewoman~ TY for your offer. Its just all too hard right now. Believe me if I could get it out I would. TY for your support

Eva~ TY for the hug and your support. I am trying . Just so hard ...so hard now.

CS~You've made me cry with your reply. I've needed so badly to hear that these past few days. I wish some people were as understanding as you are with what you said. If I could find that key to unlock that last door to get this out I'd open it. I can feel its right there . But its just not coming thru. And I cannot figure out what is stopping it. I've got this list of questions my t gave me and I have gone over and over and over them trying to get it out . It just wont come !! Alls I know is that I feel like I gave permission by getting that test done to feel reviolated again. Does that make sense? And I thought I could do this. I held onto.... omg ... nvm.. Just thank you for helping.

[SweetSunshine]

Went to T today.. it was hard. Still so disappointed in myself cause I cant get this out. I am afraid I think that there is more to it than what I thought. T tried to help me . But I failed .... again.

[(JD)]

Maybe because you are a smart lady, and active in your healing process? I don't know in what fashion you learn, nor how you generally get things done... that would help me help you. But I will try...

what about going through a book about abuse and checking off those things that are similar to your experience?

can you use/write down one word for each part of the trauma? Anything at all will help you... year, month, date, day/night, place/location, colors you recall (clothes, room, etc)

maybe just write one thing down first, and put it aside?. Later, write one other thing and put it down?

if you can't write it, can you tape record a list of info - speak it?

if you can't write or speak it, have you tried doing a collage? (cut pictures from magazines depicting parts of the trauma, paste them onto paper)

if you are artsy... use chalk or oil crayons, you don't have to write words, let each color or pattern represent a different part of the experience (such as the red dark/pressured straight lines are your anger about it, blue circles are your breath)

Maybe nothing here will work just like I posted, but you can think of something that will suit you in a like manner?

Be gentle with yourself.

Maybe speak to yourself before falling asleep, and ask that you have a non-bad dream about it? (will help you release it...and then write about the dream elements)

Would you like something like a 20 questions drawn up for you to give short replies, would that help? I'm sure others here could help with that. Sigh, I hope you are able to do this... it is tough...but it gets a bit easier after this...