[shezbut]

Supported? Is that the right word?? I don't think so.

He listened to what I was saying ~ things I've been struggling with for a while now. How my mom never really supported me as I was growing up. He added that she never acted as the adult and still doesn't, even though I'm merely seeking her admitting the mistakes and apologizing. That's something that my mom is unwilling or unable to do for me.

While it's a very sad realization that I'm come to this point in my life ~ that having my family in my life is simply too painful for me ~ it's also okay. It's understandable and healthy in my psych's opinion to take myself out of that stress. Having his acknowledgment made me feel justified or something. It's a good feeling, but also poignant. I just can't seem to think of the right word/s!!

Know what I mean???

[geez]

I am distant from my family. It is very freeing while at the same time a bit of sadness that I couldn't have something better for family.

[athena.agathon]

Validated, maybe? Know what you mean. I'm glad your psychiatrist backed up your decision to keep some healthy distance from your mom.

It's so hard to accept that we're going to have to find closure for ourselves, because the people that hurt us aren't ever going to admit to it or apologize (because mostly they think they never did anything wrong!)...I'm still working this one out. You're being such a good grown-up and taking care of yourself!

[shezbut]

Yeah, athena.agathon,

I think that validated is the word that I was searching for! Thank you

[ScaryFrita]

Wow. I don't have a psychiatrist, but what you have all said above rings huge to me, since so many people are encouraging me to stay in contact with my family. I always wonder if it's "acceptable" to want nothing to do with them, and it's been a huge struggle to accept that "acceptable" shouldn't be in my thoughts on this decision -- it's my decision to make, not anyone else's!

Thanks for all of this.

[Open Eyes]

Disfunctional families (disfunctional people) don't see their disfuction, if they did then they would not be disfunctional.

You can see it, it has affected you and the way you have judged others as well as yourself. How we value ourselves is effected by this as well. So when we wake up and look back at those we live with every day in a small group we call family, it is hard to see the disfunction and know that these people are too disfuctional to ever validate us. And yes, it is sad and not healthy to be around them because they will not understand it if we don't play our own old role in their disfunction.

Open Eyes

[northgirl]

Yeah. I get it. It's kind of like, wow, you get it. But then it's like ugh. you're right. :/

[BrokenNBeautiful]

The truth is freeing *and* painful.

I went thru this last year as I realized my aunt had hurt me so much. I loved her and trusted her with all my heart, yet never understood why she was like that. She was so venomous (my roommate's words; I agree with that) and I am still coming to terms with how it hurt.

Even in death, her death, I have to separate from her now. Grieving her loss is also grieving her loss when she was around.

thanks,

Billi