[mtd]

I've been in recovery now for several years. My last romantic relationship ended badly about three years ago - I was such a basketcase I couldn't be part of a relationship. Then I ended up in residential treatment where I committed to 9 months of not having a relationship so I would stay focused on healing (my T wanted a full year - we compromised). At that time, I thought it was a long time, but when it was over I understood better how much I needed to recover so I made it a year. Then I made it 2 years and it's been more than that now. Now I'm feeling very alone and feel like I want to connect and start dating again. But I'm afraid, because as much as I feel alone I still really really hate to be touched, even a little. For the first time since entering recovery, I'm being honest with myself about this. It's like I yearn to connect that way, but the thought of actually being touched -- even holding hands -- makes me feel ill, like sick to my stomach. I also feel like if I try to date and then recoil, I'm not being fair to whoever it is I'm dating. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I really hate this -- has anyone been here? Your thoughts would be appreciated ...

[Lexicon78]

From time to time (more so than I would like) I often do not want to be touched and actually have literally pushed my bf away and told him to back off. He's been hurt by this but at those moments I really need my space. So yes, I have experienced it.

Being a survivor is very difficult. But it is not impossible to have a relationship when you are having these difficulties. One of the things I've noticed is that the more comfortable I get with someone, the more I am open to welcoming affection from them. When you're upset or moody, though, those feelings come back and are more apparent.

You need to find someone who will go slow with you, who will be supportive and respect you and your space. That's very important. Communication will be one of the most important things for you since you'll need to be able to tell your mate when and how to touch you.

Try to hang in there.

[mtd]

Thank you. I really needed to hear these things from another survivor to believe them for myself. I've decided to try connecting with another, and I'll carry your wisdom with me. It feels kind of liberating to have made this decision, and a bit scary too, but the freedom is winning out in my heart.

Be well,

MTD

[mtd]

Thank you. I really needed to hear these things from another survivor to believe them for myself. I've decided to try connecting with another, and I'll carry your wisdom with me. It feels kind of liberating to have made this decision, and a bit scary too, but the freedom is winning out in my heart.

Be well,

MTD

mtd, i just wanted you to know i was thinking of you. i know you struggle with things and there is pain, but we really care about you. your special here.

[mtd]

Thank you so much! and I did manage to set aside my fears, just this Friday night, and met someone for coffee, which turned into dinner and nice walk. I kept my distance, but it was really sweet and felt o.k. Some confusion today that I recognize as my self-esteem struggling, so lots of positive affirmations today are helping. Yours was really good timing too! Thank you again. and I've just decided to make sure I go really slowly and keep my boundaries where they feel safe and remind myself that I am worthy of love and I've worked really hard to learn how to love myself first, stay safe and stay true to myself.

Be well,

mtd

[hillbunnyb]

This is such a hard one. Good luck.

mtd, i am so glad you had a good day today! I'm proud of you not just for reaching out, but also knowing you are worthy of love and keeping good boundaries. What progress!!!!