This is not exactly abuse however it is about witnessing a horrific situation.

I was not directly abused in this.

But I am starting to see how much of a toll it had on me.

At the time, I was still whooping it up in my take-ecstacy-be-a-raver days. It was halloween 2004. We went to a local club. My boyfriend at the time was in the local dj competition that night, I remember he lost and was so heartbroken.

The night started wonderfully, everyone in costumes and dancing and being totally club 54 style.

We took some ectstacy and were having a great time as usual. (I am including the ecstacy as it bears an effect in that it makes you extremely empathetic and you will understand at the end of the story) These very large black (not being racist just trying to paint a picture, please noone be offended) thugs in chains and blue shiny jerseys were there. I didnt think much of them at first, I mean everyone is entitled to have a good time. But then they were pouring REV's (coolers) down girls backs and beign really crude with a couple of my friends. They poured one down my back, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. I whipped around and glared and told them to stay away from me.

They persisted and I began to feel frightened. Boyfriend was dancing out on the dancefloor. I went to one of the bouncers and explained that I was feeling extremely nervous around these guys. He told me "we know, we have had complaints, but just stay clear of them" I was shocked. I explained that as a female in his bar I should be able to expect protection from the bouncers.

Well I just stayed clear of them, and eventually closing time came nearer. I am starting to feel my heart in my throat as i type this.

Well the bar closed, and as per usual people milled around outside being drunk/high on E/silly/making plans for where to go now etc etc.

Im not sure exactly what happened, There was a tall, think white male behind me with his girlfriend, and the biggest of the thugs came up and began propositioning his girlfriend. Of course the male asked him not to talk to his girlfriend like that (he didnt curse, swear, and wasnt nasty from what I remember hearing. The next thing I know the big thug guy pushed him, and the crowd kind of seperated. Then he was chasing the skinny guy all around the crowd and down the street. The skinny guys girlfriend screamed "Jesus Christ (name) RUN!!! obviously knowing that there was no way he would ever win a fight with this guy.

he chased him all around for a few min, punching him multiple times, then he would get away and the running would continue. This whole thing plays out in my mind like a sick joke or something.. Noone tried to stop them. Noone tried to separate them.

Finally, they ran up to about four feet in front of me.

The white guy turned around with his hands up to protect himself. The thug pulled back his arm and laid out one last punch.I watched the white guy go unconcious immediately, his eyes closed and he fell straight back. His skull hit the concrete and you could hear the sickening crack as it did. He didnt move.

the thug walked off into the crowd.

Noone moved. I was shocked. They just let him lie there. I thought he was dead, he didnt move at all.

Finally. even in my high in mdma state, something clicked in. Something took over in me. I startled, kind of came to, and rushed over beside him. I opened his collar, started talking to him. There was blood everywhere. His eyebrow looked shattered from what I could tell.

I started saying the typical things "YOu have just been in a fight. My name is Amanda, Im here to help you. I want you to just lie still for a few minutes ok? Im going to take care of you dont worry. Can you tell me your name?" As I called to him he began to come to a little bit. He kept calling to his girlfriend, and trying to get up to go find her. I gently pushed him back down again and told him she was fine, and that she was right here with me (she was, and she talked to him) He asked me if he did ok. I gently laughed and told him that he had done wonderful(even though he hadnt even gotten in a punch I could tell he was wanting to protect his girlfriend) he asked me did I at least get in one punch? And I told him yes. Friends started coming over, and I told them to keep him still dont let him move his neck and that sort of thing. He had teeth missing. I couldnt find them.

I ran up to the closed bar door and banged on the door. I explained that someone was severely hurt outside. They told me..that they couldnt get involved. They said the bar was closed, and it wasnt anything they could get involved in. I asked them if they could AT LEAST call the ambulance as this guy needed one.

They refused.

SOMETHING TELLS ME that this is illegal. Is it not illegal to not call 911 when someone is hurt? COuld they not have been liable?

I went back to him, and sat beside him. I had one of his friends call the police. They managed to get him into a standing position despite my efforts to try and keep him immobile ( we had no idea if his neck or back was injured.

HE could bearly stand up. He was hurting bad, but managed to keep could humour. I really think it was aftershock that got him as he was baaaad off.

The police came. And the ambulance. I managed to give a statement to both of them. Explained the vitals I had checked for earlier to ambulance and what my suspections were.

meanwhile, the thug guy and his thug friend, were pacing around in the crowd. The police brought them over. the big guy was pacing all around like a caged animal saying "If you tell Ill kill you. Ill kill everyone of you, I swear. Dont you say nothing " etc etc.

Well, I gave my statement to the cops. THEY LET THE THUG GUYS WALK AWAY.

I couldnt beileve it. after the crowd cleared, I just lost it. I sat on the sidewalk, and i remember just staring. I think I was in shock.

My boyfriend came over and held me. And I was just out of it.

We continued on to the afterhours club. The thug guy showedx of course and tried to hit on my friend aymee. Well I glared at him again.

he had to be thrown out eventually. BUT as soon as I got there I told the club owner what was going on so they were prepared.

A few weeks later I found out the guy had had internal injuries, a shattered brow bone on one side, a broken nose and several missing teeth.

This haunts me to this day.

The second story.

A couple of years before this, when our rave scene was really druggy and full of a certain motorcycle groups members.

There was a new man in town, his name was jim. Now jim had a bald head and a goatee. He had a little bit of a lisp. I honestly think he was probably a little bit slow,I wouldnt say challenged but def a little slow. Despite this he was very sweet. he did alot of drugs, and liked to buy drugs for his friends. He would buy all kinds and then just give it away.

Well, the certain group I mentioned FIRST thought he was a narc. To be honest, he looked a bit like one. But the fact that I had watch him buy, sell, give away, and DO drugs attested to the fact that he wasnt.

Well, they told him not to come around to their parties anymore.

everyone was out at a bar night a few months later. There was a house party after that went on well into the next day.

Well, I didnt go there right away.I went to my friend brads up the street. The next day, coming down of ecstacy and just sketchy and paranoid in general, we decided to hit the house party that was still going.

As we were walking up the steps to the house party, Jim comes flying out clutching his left eye. He looked right at me as he ran down the entrance path. He looked me right in the eye, and said "help me - please"

I froze. I was so scared.

out the door comes one of the group members after him. Chasing him, saying they told him to keep away. Well how was he supposed to know that this was a party by them? I didnt even know. I just thought it was a party.

he chased him out on the main road, this was around seven am on a saturday morning on one of the busiest streets in halifax. In fact, right across the street from the hospital.

All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, guys came around both sides of the house.

Again about four feet in front of me, I watched about eight guys kick, punch, hurt this guy. He fell to the ground. THey kept kicking. They smashed a bottle over his head. They maced him.

And I got rushed inside by my boyfriend at the time. I was shaking. I was so terrified, and the %#@&#! that he was just said "get over it its just a fight"

Well, they left him there outside the house. To die.

he didnt die, thankfully someone driving by saw him and took him across the street to the hospital.

I later found out that he is permanently blind in one eye. He suffered internal injuries. A broken arm and leg.

Shattered cheekbone.

he was in the hospital for two weeks recovering. In severe pain. He almost died.

For this incident I feel responsible. He looked right at me. He BEGGED me to help him. I feel so guilty.

But if I had of gotten involved, it would have been me. Those guys are dangerous,. thank GOD they are no longer around and our scene is SO cleaned up now.

And I thought it didnt have any affect on me. Well, i cannot watch violent moves anymore, they give me panic attacks. I have a problem with perceiving what is real anmd not real in regards to violence - if I see or hear about it, I become almost obsessed with it, sort of, not that I like it but that it plays over and over and gives me panic attacks.

I cant play any violent video games, not even in the slightest. It bothers me. I feel for the people who get hurt, even though it is false.

Im not sure how or why Im telling this. I just felt like I need to aknowledge it.

Thank you for reading.

And just so you all now, its not that the scene around here is particularily rough. These are the only two incidents in like seven years ive really seen.

Well, Rainbowzz, it sounds horrible, and I would add that, to me, it is abusive to us when people are violent around us. Having to witness abuse is abusive to all who have to live through it, even when the fists are landing on someone else. It is traumatic and totally inexcusable, and I hate that so many people in what you experienced were too intimidated to step forward and help, but it really shows the impact that abuse has. You were brave and did the right things doing all you could.

Stay safe.

mtd

I'm glad you survived. I'm glad you're out of that scene now.
I can't think what else one woman could do against such odds.
Lighten up on the guilt thing, ok? Mean people suck.

Thank you everyone.

This was the first time I had written out what had happened. I do feel a bit better about it. I think i may bring this up in therapy. I just feel sort of silly considering the way worse stuff Ive been through, this seems negligent. But it obviously is not since this was three years ago and it still bothers me.

HBB,

yes, I know you are right. I have a very altruistic personality and it often gets the better of me. When people outwardly as me for help and I cant provide, i tend to feel very badly. though often it is not my fault. Perhaps this is a hint that it is something that I need to look at on the whole. I also still feel very guilty for my grandmothers death. My mother told me that I was the cause of her death, as I stressed her out. In reality, my grandmother smoked two packs of cigarettes and almost always had a water and vodka going, though she never seemed drunk. She died of cirrohsis(sp) of the liver and an enlarged heart.