[struggling2]

**Trigger for CSA**

For those of you that unfortunately suffered CSA or suspect that you have....do any of you feel uncomfortable around little kids? I do. Especially little girls. Not babies but like 3yrs on up. Im watchful of how people touch them. Im scared of having my own kids. I feel like I dont know whats normal and whats not. Does anybody else have this?

[unaluna]

absolutely. I wrote last year here of some weird experiences, that helped me piece things together with T. Like my mother would go to put money in my nephew's pocket, and we'd all be like, stop that (you perv)!

[struggling2]

thanks hankster. it really bothers me and makes me sad. im careful how i touch little kids too. like if im around any little kids, again its mostly girls, if they want to sit on my lap or give me a hug or anything...im like "uhhhh where do i put my hands? what is ok? am i doing something wrong? are people watching me like im a sicko?( i am NOT a sicko...but i have this fear that im doing something wrong) im assuming these fears and this paranoia is not normal unless you have been SA?

[unaluna]

idk what's normal, unfortunately! but like women would bring their newborns to work to show off, and have to change a diaper, and all the other 'normal' women - usually moms themselves - would just gather around and ooh and ah - and I would feel like a 5-yr old trying to get a peek - then I realized that's how I had been treated AS a kid - don't look, it's not nice - I never even babysat (like as a teenager) or changed a diaper (ever!). well, maybe once or twice, but I think i've blocked it out. my mother just did not want me to get pregnant without a husband. but I think she carried the message a little too far. she even discouraged me from playing with baby dolls.

[pbutton]

I have a similar problem. On Christmas my nephew wanted to go in the basement and play pool with me. My first instinct was to say NO! I can't go somewhere alone with you, not a basement!!!! I constantly feel like I have to be careful how I touch or interact with children. I don't know why, I most definitely don't want to do anything to them!!

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I don't know why, I most definitely don't want to do anything to them!!

i so agree pbutton. i dont understand my discomfort and uneasiness. like you said, i most definetely do not want to do anything to them!

[Vibe]

I feel similarly around other kids but not children in my family. Which I suppose is strange. However, I get a little awkward around kids in other places - especially if I have to dress them or clean them and whatnot. There's no sexual feelings from my end, but it's still really tense. Babies are definitely an exception.

[shezbut]

struggling2,

Very much! I avoided all contact with kids as a child as well as a young adult.

My ex-hub and I were married for 10 years before I finally agreed to have children. I just felt extremely uncomfortable with kids (boys and girls). I really didn't want to have children, deep down inside, but I did.

My emotions have made interaction with my girls a struggle from time to time. Some times are more intense than others, for whatever reason. I've always felt very guilty and dark for feeling so uncomfortable with kids. I can't really figure out why this is, but I do.

[Silversand]

Hi. I'm sorta of new here and have this in my hx, and yes, i've always felt uncomfortable and unawkward around children...like i don't know what to do or how i should act, and like i my reactions, emotions, etc aren't right, arn't like other peoples or what they are supposed to be...there is something wrong with me, etc.

[Purple Heart]

As adult survivors we fear we will repeat what was done to us as children. It can be scary when you have those thoughts but the main thing is awareness of your thoughts and how you behave. Just being yourself is the key while being mindful of how you interact with young children and where you put your hands. Placing your hand on their head, hand, shoulder or arm is appropriate. If you can’t do that then maybe just shake their hand or give a nice smile.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by Purple Heart

As adult survivors we fear we will repeat what was done to us as children.

I think this is true. I dont know for sure that anything happened when I was a child but its things like this that start to solidify my thinking that something did. That plus the other red flags.

[LouR]

I have moments where I am very uncomfortable with children. I do what is perfunctory and that is it.