I hate my mother

I do hate my mother for all the things she has done to me. Like when she destroyed my dollhouse- she pushed me onto it and beat me up because I ate
several tiny chocolates from a Christmas calendar. Or when she told me in public, in front of my father: 'Clean your room for real or I will kill you'- funny thing, because she is messy, her room, bathroom and kitchen are filled with her crap, all dirty; in fact only my room is clean. Ironic, huh? Or when I tried to commit suicide and she told the psychiatrist that I deserved to be beaten, so what's the big deal? Or when she always take the side of anyone who hurts me, it's always my fault. We're Catholics and she told me last Sunday she has a problem with the confession because she can't recall any of her sins- she thinks she's perfect, of course. I was this close to exploding and giving her my list of her sins. She never noticed I was sexually abused at home, none of my strange behaviours that would indicate this were noticed. Or my self-harming- unlike most of cutters, I don't have to hide my wounds or razorblades because no one sees that anyway. I wish her ill, I hate her. Evil parents apparently don't know they would be old some day and then their children would take care of them- or not, or the children would be as evil as their parents were.

Dearest Bathony ~ You MUST change your signature line. You NEVER deserve anything that you got. There is something STRANGELY wrong with your mother. And I mean strange! What woman would intentionally cause harm to her own child??? She's defiinitely got something WRONG with her. It must be something from her OWN past that causes her to do this. It is NOT because she hates you honey. Please believe that. I have a very definite feeling that your mother was badly abused herself. I would BET on it. She was abused by someone, that's for SURE. Please try to cut her a little slack. I know it is difficult. You would think that a person who has been abused certainly would abuse another. But that's not the way it works.

Children learn what they live, and if they've lived with abuse, that's what they're going to do -- abuse. Chances are they will start with torturing/hurting animals -- then they "graduate" to people when they get older. They might pick on/beat up their siblings. Then it gets worse -- they then go to neighborhood kids, and torment them. They get older, and do the same with schoomates. THEN -- they get married and have kids -- and abuse THEM. It just never ends. Then THOSE children are taught how to abuse. Somewhere along the line the chain gets broken, thank God.

I know you say you hate your mother but if you're Catholic, you CANNOT JUDGE HER. Only God can honey. And I KNOW she's been hateful to you. She's been AWFUL. You don't need to have any connection to her if you don't want to.

Are you still living with her? How old are you? Are you a minor? If you are you need to talk to one as soon as you can, such as a schooll counselor, to get you out of that house! You shoudn't be living there! if you're still in school, do that as soon as possible! If you're OUT of school, and still living there, try to GET OUT as soon as you can. This woman is TOXIC to you.

You need to see a therapist / counselor as soon as you can. See what can be done. And PLEASE let me know what happens ok? God bless you honey. Hugs, Lee

We have a lot in common. Our moms sound very similar and I have many, similar problems because if it. I can't help your self-loathing, but I do understand. Here if you want to talk. You're not alone.

I agree with Lee, something definitely went wrong with your mother, that she behaves the way she does. There's sadly, unfortunately, probably not much that you can do about that right now.

I think hatred is an emotion that keeps, or pushes, us away from people we would otherwise be drawn to. Babies need their parents, mothers especially, and so there's this part of us that we're born with so that we are emotionally drawn to them.

But then, when a woman like your mother has behaved the way she has toward you, the hatred kicks in -- part of your own self-protection emotions.

Here's the dilemma though -- little kids often learn to turn the hate against themselves, because it doesn't feel safe to feel that way about parents we need.

You don't need your mother now like you did when you were a little kid, so for the hateful emotion to be felt toward her is a step in the right direction. But the next step is making a better life for yourself -- and not treating yourself like she has behaved toward you.

Hi bathony - my mother was abusive too, but as soon as i moved out of her household i was free from that behaviour. I don't know hold old you are or whether you still live with her but when i was made homeless i was housed by a youth hostel which even took people into their mid twenties. It was for those seeking safety and a chance to properly get on with their lives. Maybe there is something similar to this where you are? It could be worth looking into. If you are still living at home is there maybe another member of your family or even a good friend who would put you up for a bit until you have enough money to rent a place? I know you metioned in your sig not to talk about therapy but if you are away from your mother now and you're understandably still struggling with her behaviour than therapy is probably the only option. Im sorry i couldn't be more helpful. All the best.

Agreed, you will need to leave this household and escape from your mother's selfish behavior. surround yourself with people that care about you and cut contacts with this horrid person.

Hi Bathony. My exhusband was a victim of severe child abuse. I knew about it from the start and it's heartbreaking to think that others are suffering that way too. I get soooo angry about it. You never did deserve that abuse and you never will. Your mother has some very bad mental issues going on and needs some meds and therapy. Is your dad around? Maybe he can get her to go get some help. If it's possible you should try to get out of there. You are a very important person to this world. God made you and he made you just right. You are NOT stupid, or bad or dirty or any of those things. You need some therapy too so that this abuse stops here. You are not alone and I care very much what's happening to you. Please let us know how it's going. God Bless You Sweetie, you are in my prayers.

In two weeks time it will be a year since I tried to commit suicide and was locked in mental hospital, now, a year later my life is far more horrible, I failed the exams and left the uni, found myself in a disaterous relationship, my father is in prison, I lost friends because they think I'm respobnsible for my abusive brother's possible deeds, I lost my income and I'm unemployed without the ****ing unemployment benefit. I wish I died last year, I want to die, I'm too tired to carry on.

It sounds like you've been feeling depressed for a long time. Hard to remember a time when you felt good or imagine a time when you might again?

I can judge my mother because I didn't choose my religion. Also, a priest told me once that the 4th commandment has its limits. this reminds me of the best of all those versions of the 11th commandment: 'Honour thy son and thy daughter'. The 'chain of abuse' idea was used against me by those false friends of mine who blame me for hypothetical deeds of my brother, so I don't like it.

Whoever blames you for "hypothetical" deeds of your brother is an idiot. You cannot be blamed for someone elses deeds. It's impossible. You are not responsible, because you don't have the POWER to control what someone else does.

Religion has nothing to do with judging your mother honey. Only God can do that. But I suppose if you want to, go ahead.

Don't you think it's time tho to get rid of some of this hatred? It's only hurting YOU? When we despise and hate another person, they are pretty much oblivious to the degree that we despise them. They just go on their happy way, and live their life while we are sickened with our hatred! Our life is ruined by our hatred of that person, because we can't think of anything else! Is that person WORTHY OF OUR TIME??? NO. Should that person live RENT FREE in our head? NO Get rid of them!

You CAN have a life worth living if you want it. It's yours for the taking. That's what God intended for you -- granted, your Mother made it miserable for you iin the beginning, but NOW you can take your life BACK from her. Now you can live it as YOU see fit!

How about thinking of some therapy? Maybe? Get some help. When I was at my worst, I called a therapist and got an appointment and I was so glad I did. How about you?

I wish you the very best Bathony. Please keep posting too. Hugs, Lee

I was abused growing up by my father and brother both. It is hard to ever forget the abuse and forgiveness takes a long time. As I see it Honoring your parents does not include letting them abuse you and run roughshod over you. There is a much more important Biblical warning to parents to love their children and nuture them. When the scriptures tell Children to obey their parents, the very next line is for fathers to not provoke their children to anger. It is a two way street. When that trust relationship is destroyed it is hard to ever restore it. Punishing our kids does not include abusing them ever.

I have found it hard to let go of childhood pain too. Neither of my parents is still living and I seldom see my brother. I feel so alone in the world as a result.

I totally agree with Leed above that you can begin to take back your life. God never intends for you to have a life of suffering and pain. As I have started to recover my spirituality again, I am slowly finding there is a whole other way, based on trust and love. I wish the same for you. You are a wonderful human being who deserves love

oh god, she doesn't hate you try to cut her some slack? god, i hate hearing from people yet they are suppose to be "survivors of abuse." this must have went on for a long time sounds like she hates her own daughter and i do agree the mom has major issues. she reminds me of my crazy parents.

my mom is a nut job who hates her kids cuz she said it with her own mouth and only had us to keep my dad around. we don't know much about my parents' childhoods only so little and the rest is secrets. this family lives in secrets and lies bunch of nutties if u ask me.

i hate my parents to a T for everything they did to me. you have a right to hate them no child ever asks to be abused. i told my therapist that people have told me to cut my parents slack because of something happen in their pasts she said you don't cut anybody slack because of their past that should have been dealt with and fixed not give them a pat on the back.

abuse is not ever accepted nobody should say give your parents slack because of their past she said that's like saying its ok for what they did and i agree with my therapist. i dont cut anybody slack for mistreatment especially if it is done for years and years there is no such thing as "cutting them slack because of their past."

there may be a cycle of abuse in my family that i am not sure. i hate when people tell me honor your parents i said honor a bunch of hypocrites, liars, losers, narcissus, sociopaths, psychotics, fake, phoney, etc parents? i don't think so not happening!

I don't really remember the first half of my teen years because everything happened at the same time: dramatic divorce of my parents, their fights about money and me, bullying at school, sexual abuse, death of my pets, all happened at the same time. When I complained, my mother said I have no right to complain because I didn't lose a child. These years resulted in neurosis. Well, that's not as bad as the result of the abuse during my pre-school years- I mean bed wetting- I was beaten beacuse of that- why am I too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom? I hate my parents and parents in general.
And when I was about 15 and first time in love (platonic love, nobody would ever love me), one evening I was writing in my diary about him and my brother came in holding a condom in his hand. There goes my love. Funny story.

can't agree more with you ... My mum's nearly as cruel as your's it...
**sigh.. why are parents so annoying these days, can't they just try to leave us in peace?!

Their minds are not good.

It was her.

not you.

You did not deserve it.

She had no right to hurt you just because she had problems.

I am not going to tell you what to do about it.

I want to just identify with the outrage. Child abuse is wrong.

Broken

I want to underline what BrokenNBeautiful said above. It was her not you and you in no way deserved it. Child abuse is always wrong no matter how the abuser may try to justify it or blame the victim

You are not bad, but a valuable human being who deserves to be loved and appreciated. I just want you to know that you are loved here and we care about you.

On the one hand (((Bathony))), your mom and my dad would be great friends...both vicious, miserable, angry and disturbed people...

On the other hand, what everyone else is saying is right and true.

I am so sorry you have been through so much and are struggling. I really am. And i do understand all of the shame and guilt and regret over and over again...even regretting "being alive now"

Please, PLEASE, know that you do not have to carry all of this weight and burden alone. The anger, shame, guilt, memories, incidents, feelings, disgust, and all of the hatred toward others and yourself can be worked through...and possibly released too. I am also in therapy like many others to work through that; there are still many days where i also regret not doing my suicide attempt "right...and that i am still here".

But all of us - each one - are still more than the sum of parts. You do still have a lot of potential. Again, i am TRULY sorry you are suffering with so much from before and right now. I do understand that a lot can seem hopeless and that 1 is more-or-less worthless. Yet there is more...

To you i leave with ...
To everyone else here, i also leave with a

Hi Bathony

Your mum sounds well, evil. Are yoiu an adult now? Can yoiu get away? Move out? There is a good book called Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. You may find it describes your mother very well. Are youi seeing a therapist??

I strongly disagree with Leed. Leed in Christianity you can judge someone by their behaviour. If someone is abusing you, you have a right to judge them since they are hurting you. And on that judgement you have to take measures to protect yourself such as going to the police, moving out or finding a therapist, etc. I find that attitude very disempowering to say to Bathony. So it is wrong to tell Bathony not to judge because then she wont' do anything and allow her mother to continue to abuse her and put her life through hell!!

Bathony get in touch with your feelings, your feelings protect you but you really need to get support by seeing a T ASAP!!