[BrokenNBeautiful]

Please, reply if you are mostly sympathetic about this.

I reserve the right to agree to disagree with anyone. I am not bashing Christians so if anyone thinks I am, that is *not true*. I have never shared this with anyone except my mentor and he feels I need to *break that silence*.

Mods may edit this, but I hope it does not get deleted.

I need to break some silence and shame about being abused by people who have abused their religion.

thanks.

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TRIGGER ( talk of religion and spiritual abuse/verbal abuse/brainwashing)

I was locked in a toy box when I was 8 or 7, to be "exorcised", by some older girls babysitting me.

I was dragged to confession when I was 8, for "f*rting". The priest actually got angry at the abusers. The abusers kicked me all the way home (retaliation) like a rock (from church afterward).

A girl babysitting me, told me that I had "horns growing out of my head" and that everybody could see them, except me, my mother, my aunt, and other "heathens".

I was told by same girl (and her mother) that i was the "Devil's Daughter" and that no one could ever love me.

I understand now this was verbal abuse and "spiritual abuse".

Anyone been thru something similar?

Even as an adult, I am scared of Christians (have to keep telling myself they are not all abusive or mean or intolerant) because I am afraid they will hate me or curse me or accuse me of blasphemy.

I am *not* against them. I know at least 2 ppl in my life that were Christians that were nice to me. *This is part of my process of trusting Christians that are not abusive*. For me, the way to break that cycle and that fear is to talk about what happened to me.

thanks,

Carol

[Emotionally Dead]

It is good that you got it out. You shouldn't hold things in, that never works out well. I am glad you posted.

I consider myself a Christian, mostly. Sometimes I stray from my actual beliefs. I am more of a "live by your heart" than a "live by the bible" type of person. That's just me. I can assure you though, what was done to you is a rarity, at least in my Country. Most Christians do not do those types of things, and those people in my book are NOT Christians. Sometimes people take things to extremes, even that. I disagree with it. Having faith and everything is fine, but we have a conscience for a reason. If anyone can force religion down someone's throat or abuse them for not having the same views - then that is just horribly wrong and they are not right in the head.

I am very sorry you had these experiences. It is really awful, and I can't even imagine. You are none of the things they told you. I promise you that. I hope that things look up for you soon, and that others will be able to offer their support as I am. We do support you.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I appreciate this, emotionally dead.

I guess I really lucked out with them (sarcastically). I wish I had met more Christians that were better. I would have liked to feel like I did not have to be scared of them.

And my aunt worshipped the ground this family walked on, i.e., "See how great these ppl are, Carol, looking after you, and stuff?"

She was just glad she could work long hours and not have to worry about me.

(crying a little)

thanks for your support.

I hope i get past this.

Carol

[JLarissaDragon]

I am a christian, and I am not the least bit offended by your post. I am so sorry that you went through all of that as a child. My father was a respected church member, but after my mom died when I was 13, he had a nasty anger problem and beat the crap out of me repeatedly. I rebelled by acting out and got in to all sorts of trouble. and from the time I left home seldom entered the doors a church.

In the past couple of years I have been on a quest to recover my spirituality. I have discovered a whole different side of christian faith. No body is perfect, but I have actually found the most loving and supportive group of people that I have ever met in my life

I suppose the real point is that there are a lot of people in the world who think they have all the answers, and usually don't. Even though they claim to be Christians there attitudes are anything but Christian. Abuse is abuse whether it is carried out by people who claim to be Christians or not. Hypocrisy is everywhere, and sometimes even in the church. None of us are "good" but Jesus loves us and in Him we have forgiveness and healing.

Even more important, though I do care and I hope that you can find the healing you so deserve. You are a wonderful human being, whom God created and loves. I am so sorry that you were abused and neglected by the ones who should have been giving you as safe and secure environment, No one ever has the right to to ever abuse another person.

Love
Larissa

[Leed]

I know which 'religion' you're talking about, and I guess you could say I was "abused" by them because I ended up so mentally screwed up after having been so-called taught the religion by the female "clad" members of the religion that I had to have therapy. It even affected my marriage big time. Therapy didn't really totally wipe out the brainwashing I got from them.

So, I confronted a priest to see if that would do any good -- I told him of the abuse and brainwashiing I had gotten many years before --- and he agreed that it was total "bull" -- but of course he couldn't do anything about it now! He did allow me access to the Church to see if that would do me any good -- to go in there and do whatever -- swear, curse, pray or whatever I needed to do. It didn't work.

Some children are more sensitive to the "teachings" (yeah right) of the church, than others. And I was one of them. Maybe I need an exorcism. LOL

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thanks to all who responded today.

Esp the believers who were able to validate me and support me.

Carol

[Bmee2]

BrokenNBeautiful,
you are not alone. Some very awful stuff has happened in those buildings. i do not even want to write the word. i take each person and try not to clump them together. Some feel comfort calling themselves "Christians". If people try to force their beliefs down my throat...then i run from them or become deaf and mute while cleaning or moving around a lot. Usually i avoid going into those buildings. If i have to go...i sit close to the doors in case of a flashback...those are not pretty in public in that place. Anyway, what ever religion you choose, or if you choose not to believe, it is okay. Despite what i write and say here, you are a good person.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thanks Bmee.

and thanks mods for not deleting this. It was so good to break the silence at last.

Carol

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

Even as an adult, I am scared of Christians (have to keep telling myself they are not all abusive or mean or intolerant) because I am afraid they will hate me or curse me or accuse me of blasphemy.

I am *not* against them. I know at least 2 ppl in my life that were Christians that were nice to me. *This is part of my process of trusting Christians that are not abusive*. For me, the way to break that cycle and that fear is to talk about what happened to me.

thanks,

Carol

Hi Carol - I can understand being scared of Christians with such traumatic experiences. I've had negative experiences as a person with a disability by some "Christians" who believed I was evil (among other things).

Breaking the cycle is important. Religious/spiritual abuse is *real* and I'm sorry that you've experienced it.

Peace.

[Harley47]

Hi BrokenNBeautiful.

As a Christian, I'm not the least bit offended by your post. I'm only shocked that people can be so cruel to someone so young, and outraged it was done in the name of something like religion, which is supposed to be a good force in one's life. I am so sorry that this has affected your view of Christians, but for what it's worth, I don't blame you one bit for it. I know I would be affected, had it been me.

I think it'd be redundant for me to say that we certainly aren't all like that. Unfortunately, some people have horrific talent for perverting the word of the Bible to justify nearly anything...I think the Crusades illustrate that fairly well. I think what you experienced is an illustration of that point.

In a nutshell, Christians are supposed to love one's neighbor as thyself, and strive to lead a life that's pleasing to God, which taken very broadly roughly equates to general compassion and morals in one's life. We're supposed to show the love of Christ through our actions, imperfect as our efforts can be in many cases, and accept Him as our Lord and Savior. By and large, if one follows that, I find the rest usually falls into place (though this is from me and my views, and I'm certainly not in the running for Saint Harley47 anytime soon). What you were shown wasn't at all Christianity. It was abuse and hatred clothed in the guise of religion...a wolf in sheep's clothing. I am sorry that ever happened to you. No one deserves that.

I do hope that time will help you in your road to healing. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers, and that I'm in your corner.

Hugs,
Harley

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thanks to the latest contributors.

peace and "God bless".

Carol