[kazine]

I used to be fine for example being on a night out and being grabbed by my mates etc. But ever since I broke up with my abusive ex things have changed... I have one friend for example who always grabs me/pokes me in the sides etc... It triggers me and scares me when people grab me suddenly... Last night was worse, I was on a night out and I was feeling particularly triggered and people just seemed to keep grabbing me randomly, even after I said stop it, stop it, stop it, they don't listen, because they don't know why it would bother me so much... Especially when it's people that I don't know well enough to explain why I don't like being grabbed... Sigh...

Kaz x

[carrie_ann]

it's a normal reaction imo, it'll take time to react any diff ... instead of saying stop it, ever tried saying do that again i'll clock you one? lol

[pbutton]

I also HATE HATE random touching. I am pretty vocal and tell people that I don't like to be touched though. Unless it is so bad that I freeze. Grr.

[eskielover]

Just keep on being insistent......soon they will get it through their heads to leave you alone even if it's just in kidding around. I can definitely understand your feelings.....it takes a long time to reprogram those feelings if they ever really do get reprogrammed. HOpefully you will always hold onto some sense of distance with people like that so that you will NOT get involved with anyone like that again.....so it a way, your reaction is a way of self-protection & not something that is bad IMO.

kazine,

Its a terrible feeling, isn't it?

When someone touches me, even just to be kind, like patting my arm or something, I have this automatic reaction to push them away, or pull my body away from them. If someone taps me on the shoulder I flinch.

I know what you mean, exactly. It is...fear. I feel really scared, like they are going to grab me and not let me get away. I hate being touched, so much that even thinking about it right now makes me feel stressed.

I don't think this is something that will ever change for me. I don't know how to fix it, andI feel bad whenI see others that are completely comfortable with hanging and leaning on each other.

Back rubs are the worst! God, I hate when someone comes up to me and says you look tense and starts rubbing my back. I flip around so fast that I startle them, and then I feel bad, because I know that they are embarrassed, or their feelings are hurt, but I can not control it.

I'm sorry that you have this problem, too,

-Fleeing Bellocq

[Open Eyes]

(((Kazine))),

I am so sorry and I do understand what it is like when people think "poking and grabbing" is funny and just don't get how much it truely "isn't". I have had a startle reaction all my life from my childhood so I totally understand that sensitivity. My husband is a very "animated physical person" and he tends to poke when he is talking, whether he is exicted or just trying to make a point. I am an old broken record now of asking him to please not do that.

When I raised my daughter I did not allow any hitting, or spanking either. I personally feel it is the wrong way to dicipline a child and also teaches them to resolve things by hitting.

This is going to take you time to work on, you will probably always be senstive. I am so sorry that you were in a relationship with an abusive person.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[yellowted]

i too hate being touched without warning, the other day i clocked my carer when she tried to turn me over whilst i was asleep ! luckily she understood that it was not intentional as i had warned her when she started working for me not to touch me without warning me first.
Although my carer has to touch me to help me dress and bathe, i still cringe every time and freeze when she gets to sorting out my lady bits.
i tend to just tell everyone that i really dont like being touched, if you say it plenty then people eventually get the mesage. i don't give a reason but if people push for one i usually say 'it is just i don't like it, it makes me feel yuck.' that tends to shut them up. the fact i jump every time reinforces that i don't like it.
anyone who contonually pokes or touches me once they know i don't like it is not a true friend so tends to get the cold shoulder from me from then on