am I a victim of generational abuse?

I was a victim of CSA by my brother when I was 9, combined with continual verbal and emotional abuse from him until he moved out when I was 12. I also struggle with my Mom verbally abusing me up until this day, (just turned 22) but every time I try to fight back and point out that I should not be treated this way, it is excused by her reminding me that she did not have an easy childhood. She lived with a brother who became mentally ill when she was a teenager, her father suffered from depression and PTSD. Just the other day, we were having an intense conversation after she became upset about something I did, and she revealed that she was "sexually violated" when she was 8.

She does not know about what happened between me and my brother, but now knowing this, it gives me even greater questions whether I have been mistreated all these years because she does not know what life should be like for a normal child during the formative years: safe, loving, nurturing. Of course she would never had accepted my being abused by my brother, but it gives me even more reasons to not want to ever tell her because her sympathy will be marred by her own experience.

I do wish that she had not had to go through what she did, but I wish that I was not the recipient of some of her unresolved pain and distrust that it caused.

Yeah why is she telling her child this, I don't care how old you are, it's inappropriate. I have an Xmas letter I left at my T's, I could barely read it, but by the second sentence she's moaning about her life. Wtf? I've always felt like hey I didn't ask to be born and that she resented me. If there is some truth to that, then they should just be honest about it and let go of us, because these lies are what are making us nuts.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

So your mom uses excuses to be abusive. Would she accept excuses from her abusers?

I'm sorry you have had this dreadful experience ...

It does seem to pass down from one generation to the next until one of us decides it stops here and now. With that being said not everyone who is abused becomes an abuser, yet most who do abuse were also abused themselves. Nevertheless, it isn't an excuse because most of us know right from wrong and we can decide whether we want to become it or not.

Did any of that make any sense?

Again, ... Sorry you had that happen to you.

,
Pfrog!

seems like it in my family constant drama

I come from a very similar situation. And as much as I feel badly for your Mom and mine, the pain theyve put us through is unbearable. I send many hugs... keep in touch and I hope things get better.