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Old Jan 10, 2013, 02:22 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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I ordered a movie this week and watched it last night.

It was supposed to soothe me and help me with some issues.

It did, some, but it also triggered me very badly. It reminded me of some half-remembered things during my childhood, either being exposed to adult activity or actually being sa'd---not sure. Still it really upset me.

Some more anxiety and shame about s*x*ality surfaced again. I did not sleep all night.

I feel soooo sad about this.

I really want to heal s***ally, but it's taking forever.

i hate feeling like I have to avoid s***ality all the time to avoid triggers!

I feel like I have to be some kind of nun or something.

Carol
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  #2  
Old Jan 10, 2013, 03:27 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I'm sorry that you were triggered. Healing is a long process.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #3  
Old Jan 11, 2013, 02:19 AM
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mazing mazing is offline
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Sorry to hear that it didn't help Carol. It can be very difficult when triggers just seem to appear like that.

As Sannah said, healing is a long journey and as hard as it is, it won't always have to be like that. Give it time and hang in there. It can get better.
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BrokenNBeautiful
  #4  
Old Jan 11, 2013, 10:32 AM
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Silent_Tears_17 Silent_Tears_17 is offline
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Im really sorry. I hope you find a path to healing.
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  #5  
Old Jan 12, 2013, 03:50 AM
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Lauru Lauru is offline
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Carol, reading your sig quote, I just have to say tell that voice to shut the he** up!
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV

thought this would help, but instead it triggered me

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
Thanks for this!
BrokenNBeautiful, Silent_Tears_17
  #6  
Old Jan 12, 2013, 04:17 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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It was a movie based on Herman hesse's novel, Siddhartha.

I thought it would uplift me spiritually and it might have if there had not been any love scenes.

I deleted those and now I have a little choppy version of it, but no triggers.

I have the book, too.

I love Siddhartha.

But I also have a big crush on him. I feel like I am beneath him. My mentor says that I obsess about certain romantic figures and make them better than me. I have these notions that I am not good enough for them or they are too good for me. Not to mention how the love scenes totally undid me. I got jealous of the woman! I felt like I was being exposed to the act, as I had been in real life, growing up. That's a form of sa. Witnessing age inappropriate behavior as a child.

Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Hugs from:
Sannah
  #7  
Old Jan 13, 2013, 07:48 PM
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shortandcute shortandcute is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful View Post
I ordered a movie this week and watched it last night.

It was supposed to soothe me and help me with some issues.

It did, some, but it also triggered me very badly. It reminded me of some half-remembered things during my childhood, either being exposed to adult activity or actually being sa'd---not sure. Still it really upset me.

Some more anxiety and shame about s*x*ality surfaced again. I did not sleep all night.

I feel soooo sad about this.

I really want to heal s***ally, but it's taking forever.

i hate feeling like I have to avoid s***ality all the time to avoid triggers!

I feel like I have to be some kind of nun or something.

Carol
I'm sorry that you went through that. Sometimes we just don't know what will trigger us. And I know what you mean; I also get tired of having to avoid certain things.
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