[mtd]

Potentially triggering -- please take care of yourself ...

I wrote here last November of facing the fact that I was not the only child in the room when I was victimized by CSA. I saw him, my age, trembling, trying to find his clothes, trying to escape. I know his name.

I have been in recovery for some 15 years. From day one, I was determined to look at the past, see it's truth, own that truth, pushing aside any fear. And I have done that. Until now.

I'm going on three months of knowing that there was another victim there with me. But I don't want to look back at what I witnessed. I feel myself fighting looking back, fighting really hard. But it won't go away. I feel it there, something compelling me to turn around and look. It haunts me all day long. The other part of me, for the first time since I entered recovery, is refusing.

Why is this? I need help. Guesses are welcome. Have you been through this too and are willing to share?

Be well,

mtd

[Sannah]

Maybe it is hard for you to face because it can be easier to be more sympathetic to others than ourselves?

[endoftunnel_light]

i think it is definitely overwhelming to know someone else's pain, especially one you have always lived with. maybe one senses a certain degree of responsibility after acknowledging...
big hugs.