Your Story is Your Life

I spent many nights as a child hiding in my room, crying and wishing i could travel far into the future. A future where i was living my own life, far removed from the oppression of violence and fear and criticism. I believed that once i was old enough to move away from that insanity, i could begin to be myself and be happy. I could finally breathe.

I have seen recently that i am still "hiding in my room" in so many ways. Still waiting for things to get better, waiting to begin my life. I never considered the possibility of PTSD until recently. I always knew i had some issues, but i figured i was doing great, all things considered. But as i began writing my story, in my nearly completed memoir, i could see direct links from past experience to present behaviors. This new awareness has caused me to look at my entire life in a whole different way, as well as restructure the entire premise of my tender memoir.

I have fallen in love with sharing and the possibility of healing. My user name. "hiding in my room" just kind of happened. i didn't really think about it. But i soon realized how appropriately vulnerable and sensitive it is. The title of my book is "How to Kill Your Dad...and other things little boys shouldn't be thinking about" and i am already outlining the follow up to that book, exploring the depths of the metaphor of hiding in my room. Avoiding confrontation and responsibility, pointing an angry, judgemental finger at my self, lying to loved ones so i can sneak away and be alone.

The ability and desire to share has opened so many doors for me that lead to such huge potential for healing. Healing wounds i thought were long since faded into dull scars. I have gained a whole new purpose in learning and helping others to learn to share their deepest darkest feelings and bring light those things they never thought they could overcome.

Thank you all so much for listening and sharing. Please share with me. I would love to hear how sharing has affected your lives and your healing.

Stay strong! We can do this.

Thank you hiding in my room.

What a great thread. We share so much on here, but I don't think we have put it in this kind of way before. Sharing our stories and how that sharing has helped us. I like it.

I'm kind of random in my sharing, so I will def post in here when something comes to me...I look forward to reading from others.

Great job!

Oh, YES! We can do this!

I don't share too much. Sharing makes me feel weak sometimes but yeah sometimes it helps a lot. Though it's hard for me to find out when sharing is going to help me and when going to trigger my depression. I'm not hiding in room though but in my own self. Escaping from some facts that I can't accept. Avoiding to talk or listen about certain issues...
I think if this hiding can make you feel better then do it. Do anything that helps to develop positive energies in you.
Well written thread!

i am no doc but i know enough to tell you that expressing stuff on here is a new beginning, i've been on here since jan 1 and have already seen myself in others. even if you only read the stories you can learn so much, the you can get involved with the great people on this site, and open up.you've already done the first thing by introducing yourself. i would love to help in any way and i usually just post here in response to others and it gives me a small sence of purpouse too.-avlady

(((hiding in my room))),

When you trace your life the way you are talking about, yes, you will see things you have done or developed because of how you struggled growing up. Working through PTSD that can go way back in your life is a big challenge. There are these bright times where you feel you have discovered something others don't realize, then you can begin to think others already know and it is only you that is suddenly just seeing "reality". There are ups and downs and many things to learn and share.

I think that it would be good for a man to give "his" perspective because men rarely talk about their own faults, past and even weaknesses they didn't realize they had.
Men often hide in shame or think they have to "cover it up" or "suck it up" somehow.
Oh they are expected to have all the answers, but they don't and often feel very frustrated if they don't.

Your book sounds like a good idea. Just realize that you might experience these lows too. Just keep pushing forward, you will keep learning as you do so.

Open Eyes

When i say hiding in my room, i am still "hiding in my room", but i bring it with me where ever i go. As (((open eyes))) says below, I feel like i should know what to do and be okay. I may not be Mr Masculine, but i still feel a need to to be cool and collected. So when i experience adverse emotions, i just shrink away, i dont argue or stand up for myself, because i dont want anyone to see how emotional and insecure i can be. Its not entirely unconscious, my avoidance of conflict, its very often intentional. I know that i will fumble over my words, and come off as unintelligent, if not insecure.

I think a lot of hide from something. It is a fascinating process to uncover all those little hidden dimensions of ourselves. As scary as it is, i have learned to love it. I try hard to stay strong enough to keep it up!