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#1
May 01, 2013, 01:10 AM
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I am a survivor of domestic violence (covers a lot of types to me), sexual abuse, and rape. I am not going into a lot of detail because I really don't feel like triggerin myself right now or others.
Basically, I have been steadily abused for 18 years of my 20 years of life. I have been abused by both men and women...mostly men. I'm not sure if you would describe my life as a teeter-totter, a roller coaster, a merry-go-round, or an obstacle course. Maybe combine all 4 and see what you get. I have my times when I am doing really well and making progress. These tend to be after spiritual recharging or psych stays. I have had 7 stays and just recently had an 11 day stay. I'll do well for a week or two, then mentally I am slammed right back into the ground. I keep being told I want to be a victim the rest of my life. I hate it when people tell me that because it is not true. I want to get past all this and be able to help others. Possibly, have my dreams come true if I can get all that sorted out. I don't want my past or current health issues because of what happened define me. I get triggered by a lot of things all of the time. I don't go a day without a trigger, flashback, nightmare or night terror. There are days I don't want to get out of bed for fear of getting hurt. I didn't have a childhood. It was stolen from me by 3 men mainly. I wish I had a time machine and could change everything and experience an innocent, care-free childhood. I know I can't. If I can get better I can help others have that. However, most of the time I don't see how that could ever happen. I feel stuck in a hole with no rope or ladder. Mixed emotions really. I want to be better but I don't know how to get it. I revel in the idea of not living in constant fear and breaking these chains and shackles of bondage. Some family have gone through similar situations, but it is really hard to talk to them about it. I am in therapy every week and may be up to twice a week soon. I am on meds I can't afford right now and am very grateful for my grandparents help. I have managed to find the will to live. I have hope for a bright future although it doesn't seem realistic. Ultimately, I am reaching out. I feel I have exhausted all my resources. My friend told me about PC and helped me set up and account. I am trying as many self help routes as I can now. I am on the Daily Challenge as well. If anyone who has pulled through abuse has any words of wisdom, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't want sympathy. I hate it when people apologize for what I have been through when they had nothing to do with it. I really don't understand that. I am just looking for help and someone to talk to.
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Peace, Love, and Hugs! Russia 
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#2
May 01, 2013, 01:59 AM
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Welcome. |
 Alustriel_Laerel
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#3
May 01, 2013, 04:00 PM
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Feel free to pm me any time you need someone to talk to. 
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 If we believe we can't lose Even mountains will move It's my faith, it's my life This is our battle cry! -Skillet |
 Alustriel_Laerel
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| Alustriel_Laerel
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