[bighands]

My wife was abused as a child by a much older brother. Her mother knew about it but never did anything about it. Her advise was to keep it secret and she even made my wife feel like she was at fault.

We know now that was incredibly wrong and cruel and that it was common in that generation for parents to have that reaction but that doesn't lessen my wife's anger towards her mother for dealing with it that way and even now continuing to reject any blame or even apologize. She just says things like "that's what we did back then".

Unfortunately, my wife's privileged sister that was not abused (at least nothing admitted) is mad at my wife for not simply "Dropping" the issues with her 80 something mother. How do you deal with that? Anyone have a similar story or advise?

[picklewheeze]

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. Its completely wrong how your wife's mother treated her, I'm also sorry for the abused she endured.

Familys are complicated, even without abuse. Abuse just makes me things ten times harder. You're wife just had to do whats best for her, put number one first.

In my opinion, her sister saying that to her complete tramples her feelings and devalues them. No one deserves that. Perhaps try explaining to the sister how this makes your wife feel. Getting her to I mean, or you. However it would work.

I was abused by my older brother (not primarily, as well as others). My Mum found out when I got hospitalized. She saw me and held me and said she felt sick. But she also remained loyal to my brother. I understand how hard it must have been for her but it meant I couoldnt talk to her about anything. It was really hard times. I dont really want to go into it too much more as I dont think it will be helpful.

But yeah. My younger sister, wasnt even alive for some of this and had no involvement. I want it to stay that way.

I kinda realise this isnt helpful now.. I just thought it was gonna be relevant.. Now im not sure. Sorry.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi BH,
I'm short on time just now,but I think one
word is needed here . . . . . . . .JUSTICE!!!
To hell with what anybody else thinks or feels,the
child your wife once was,is crying out for
JUSTICE,see she gets it!
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[bighands]

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

Hi BH,
I'm short on time just now,but I think one
word is needed here . . . . . . . .JUSTICE!!!
To hell with what anybody else thinks or feels,the
child your wife once was,is crying out for
JUSTICE,see she gets it!
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

I will continue to do everything I can for my wife as she fights thru this mess with this family of horrible secret keepers. I love her and it helps us both AND our children for her to work through these issues and get to a happier place in her life. I know she can't relive and/or fix the past but she deserves answers and she deserves to not have to invite abusive brothers and other family members who ignore the past issues to every holiday dinner because it hasn't hit them directly in the face. To them everything is lovely. I have news for them. It's hitting them in the face now. So, they might as well deal with it. And watch the hell out if they ever have the nerve to tell either my wife or I to "drop it" to our faces.