[OneAndMany]

I'm starting a stone wall that holds feelings written down on paper for anyone to release their angry or sad or scared feelings.

You post your feeling and I'll update the wall with a piece of balled up paper.

You can say your feeling specifically "I feel sad I was too little to stop it" or generally "I feel angry" or whatever you need.

I'm putting a trigger icon on this thread so that no one has to censor their feeling.



Elizabeth

[OneAndMany]

I'll go first!

I am angry that my Dad molested me.

I am angry that my Mom didn't protect me.

I am sad that I didn't have the childhood I deserved.

Elizabeth

[OneAndMany]

[damajdancer]

i am angery that my best friend raped me

i am angery that my mom says it's my fault

i am sad that 6 months later he shot himself right in front of me.

i am worried that i wont be able to let go.

-megan-
p.s. (((((((( OneAndMany ))))))))))

[OneAndMany]

((((((((((((((((megan))))))))))))))))

[mlyn]

Post deleted by kimmydawn

[mlyn]

Post deleted by kimmydawn

[mlyn]

never mind can i erase this?

[Monty_girl]

I have a lot of anger and would like to throw some of those stones at my abusers.

I'm angry most of all at my mother who abused me and never protected me.
I'm angry at my stepfather of abusing and raping me from the time I was 4 till 8. He still lives within my head and I'm angry for him haunting me all these years.
I'm angry at my stepfather's friends who used me sexually for many years.
I'm angry at my grandfather for molesting me for 10 years.
I'm angry at my grandmother for trying to shot me.

But I am not angry at myself and my inside pieces who protected me.

Lisa

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((mlyn))))))))))))))))))

[OneAndMany]

((((((((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))))

Lisa said: "But I am not angry at myself and my inside pieces who protected me."
Awesome!

[damajdancer]

(((((( lisa ))))))
im glad ur not mad at your self, thats always a good thing!

(((((( mlyn )))))
it's ok, you say what you need to say in any way!

-megan-

[greenfairy]

hey all. its been awhile.
i'm frustrated for all the sleepless nights i spend walking the floors in fear that they will come for me.
i am sad for the child i never was, for the dreams i never had, and for the failure i am.
i am angry for everything that happened, for the one who stood by and the one who looked the other way.
i am grieving for what i lost.

sending good thoughts to those in pain and sweet and gentle dreams to those who need em.

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((greenfairy))))))))))))))))))

[Valis]

I'm angry for not having the strength to stop dwelling on things I should have gotten over by now.

I'm angry at being on the recieving end of someone elses wrath for way too long.

I'm angry that I can't be at peace with myself for just long enough to think things through.

Thats enough for now.

Good idea for a thread OneAndMany!

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((((Valis)))))))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

I'm angry that 16 yrs of abuse was brushed under the carpet...even within my own mind due to self-protection and DID. It was brushed under there, and the "mountain of debris" under the carpet caused me to fall on my face for 24 yrs of my adult life. I could never see why. I just kept falling on my face...

I'm grateful that the carpet has been pulled up and I could first see the yuck, then begin the process of picking it up and putting it in its appropriate place in my "house". There's still a small mound that can trip me up... That I'm working on.

KD

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((((((((KD))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[PasDeDeux]

I am sad because I worry too much
I am mad and sad that I do not seem to fit in
I am mad I was sexually abused often by many
I am sad that I am a mental mess and a failure
I am sad and mad that I have such bad anxiety
I am mad at my body it's failing

[OneAndMany]

((((((((((((((((((((PasDeDeux))))))))))))))))))))))

[Evangelista]

Sadness..

for the broken child whimpering in the closet,
for the little one who hides behind the gas meter in the alley,
wet, cold and shaking in the night
for the homeless one who wandered, scared, hidden, hungry,
and for the one who doesn’t blink or sleep for Fear of the Monsters,
that keep reaching from the dark

Gratitude

for the one who sings softly “here comes the Sun Little Darling” Knowing that her eyes will never see the morning’s dawn

Pain..

unyielding..body shaking shudders of emotional agony brought forth in the knowledge that nothing stops an Abuser from being an abuser except the abuser….heartless...violent shadows…who devour a soul’s flame..making the world a darker place..a scary place..a lonely place..

Hope

for it’s own sake..when..“It” is all I am…

Mad

That I have to carry a plastic bag to retch in, just in case I am triggered by the smell of rotten meat

That I loose my eyesight to the external world when my inner site comes into focus

That I suffer stroke like symptoms when my internal coping mechanisms are overwhelmed, causing my body to be binded and voiceless

That the most I have ever not felt is when I am being abused, and having parts of me need it, as if the pain is the oxygen in which to breath...broken..this is..so broken..like shards of a mirror.. reflections of damage done..

Thank you Elizabeth for creating this thread..kind thoughts and gentle hugs..from my many lost ones to your one and many

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((Evangelista and your many lost ones))))))))))))))))

You are welcome - this has been helping me heal too.

[hillbunnyb]

...... the life I wanted, but couldn't have because I'm a crazy cripple.....

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((hillbunnyb)))))))))))))))))))

[OneAndMany]

I am angry that I must now protect my daughter from her grandfather she adores after I remembered last week what he did to me for all those years.

I am thankful that I finally remembered so that he will not have the chance to do that to anyone else, especially my daughter.

I am scared that I am going to lose my parents' love, as screwed up as it is.

Elizabeth