[picklewheeze]

Rightt.. Im in serious need of some advice!

Im at a big turning point in my life I feel and I want to do it properly.

The simplest way to explain it is that I was abused. But then it gets complicated..

I was abused by another woman. An older cousin. She used to make me and her younger brother 'do stuff' and told us all sorts.. But the worst was when she had me to herself. One time she made me and said male do some stuff in front of my brother, it was horrible. He was older and so had more understanding ans lookes disgusted. Then one night he tried to do stuff but not in such a bad way, it was very naive. Still made me feel disgusting. Ive been sexually assaulted since but lets not go.into that.

Anyway thats keeping it simple. Ive had a really rough few months and this has sent me spirallt back into the pit of my depression. A new close friend was incredible for me and in one very deep chat I finally told her about.some of my past.

Now I'm stuck. I dont know how much to say. Ive arranged to see a specialist counsellor to try get some more specific help but I still have so many walls.

I find it hard to admit she was a girl, cause I think.people wont beliebe me.
I find it hard to admit who it was, cause I think.people wont believe me. Shes only three years older than me, is that still abuse? The last time she abused me was when I.was aboit 14.
Im so weary on the details and that makes me think.people wont belive me.

The simple fact that I think.people wont beliebe me makes me think.people wont believe me
Am I still under her spell? Or is this not abuse?

[ThisWayOut]

it wasn't your fault. it would certainly be considered abuse (at least what you are describing). it's difficult to come forward with that stuff, but I think you are taking positive steps in trying to find a counselor to talk to. no one should ever have to go through any of that. ever. I hope the counselor is helpful and you can work through this. I'm sorry...

[GirlOfManyFaces]

This was defiantly abuse. I'm sorry you had to go through this. All I have to say is to stay strong and be brave. They will believe you.

Hugs

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by picklewheeze

Ive arranged to see a specialist counsellor to try get some more specific help but I still have so many walls.

I find it hard to admit she was a girl, cause I think.people wont beliebe me.
I find it hard to admit who it was, cause I think.people wont believe me. Shes only three years older than me, is that still abuse? ...Im so weary on the details and that makes me think.people wont belive me.

It was abuse picklewheeze because you were made to do it. It is so understandable that you have walls. We use those to protect ourselves. Go slow with your counselor and allow yourself to feel a little comfortable with her before you feel that you have to tell her everything.

I certainly believe you and this counselor should too. Keep us posted on how you are doing?

[picklewheeze]

Thanks for the responses guys. Hopefully one day I will no longer be in the palm of her hand. Someday.