[Vchddma93]

Im 19 years old, 6 months ago i left my country and left to college, very very far which meant i left a huge part of my life behind... This meant that i wouldnt be going back to my country in a year... A whole yeAr by myself, new language new culture new religion. I felt sad but at the same time excited i was looking forward to this experience. Now i realize i had life going in my favor, had just broken up with my ex boyfriend entered the gym , living in a new place, a whole apartment bymyself. One day went out with some friends to a club, i felt great. It was the birthday of my closest friend here, we all got really drunk, i lost my cellphone but somehow i was still conscious. Later on couldnt find my friend so i went outside, esrlier inside i hd met a guy who invited me to some drinks. I was sitting outside wait that maybe i could see a one of my friends had no cellphone not even my purse that was inside a locker at the club which my friend had the keys. Hours passed and i dont really know what happened i just remember short parts remember to talk to the guy i met inside and beijg in a cab, i remember me crying and had horrible abdominal pain and neck pain. Woke up next day at my apartment without underwear with a ripped shirt had a stratch in my face and a bruise in my neck, i was a virgin so i didnt know why had such a severe abdominal pain, but i actually knew what had happened to me i burst out in tears started checking myself and found my underwear bloody. I managed a month without telling anyone and finally managed to tell my sister. My mom came here and made all the exans, but didnt want to talk to her because someone i feel guilty that ll happened and ashamed, its a mixture of feelings... I swore to my mom i was okay and actually managed to pull it through... But now 6 month later i can say ive never felt more lonely, ive closed the door to all my friends here, i sleep way too much, and burst into tears randomly, cant even concentrate in class, i dont know what to do i ve been trying a lot of things to try and feel something again thats not sadness and cant manage to obtain any happy feeling, i even got into a relationship and ended up having sexual relationships which just made me wake up at the middle of the night and cry, i want my life back in order just dont know where to start im shutting everyone outside my life, friends, family, god(i used to be a really faithfull person)

[lynn P.]

(((Vchddma93))) - I'm so sorry for all the pain you have and this terrible rape. Everything you're feeling is normal and please get some professional help trained in sexual assault. This wasn't your fault. You don't have to suffer alone and letting professional know will take some of the burden off you. I wish you healing.

[IowaFarmGal]

Hugs (((Vchddma))) The shame belongs to the person that did this to you. You have done no wrong. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. You should see a therapist to help you recover from this, otherwise it will rob you of happiness in life for many years to come. I hope for you healing and future happiness.

[Sannah]

Hi Vch, welcome to PC. I second the suggestion to get a therapist to work through this with. Isolating yourself can be a sign of depression. You are probably still trying to adapt to your new surroundings and need to work through the rape. Keep us updated on how you are doing?

[vangelisk]

My close friend was raped by her cousin when she was 16. she was virgin then. She could only have a decent relationship about 2 years ago when she hit 21. she loves her boyfriend and they are over it. she is happy. you will be happy one day too. dont lose hope.