[tinyrabbit]

Don't think there's anything triggering in this post...

So I had this need to tell my T about a couple of things and had been wondering how on earth to do this. He told me this story about a group exercise where they wrote things on cards and somehow that got jumbled up in my head and I felt like it would be okay if I wrote it on a bit of card. Irrational, but it worked for me so I went with it and wrote a few things down on a couple of cards.

Then I went to T feeling like my adult self, as I am now, for the first time ever. I normally feel much younger. My T said he could tell, and he thought it was good that I seemed to be preparing for the break. I said I also needed to come in a frame of mind where I could tell him something difficult, because current me thinks that's okay, and younger me doesn't.

I can't remember what he said right after he read the cards. I know whatever he said helped, though. And then he took me by surprise and asked what I needed from him right then, what would help me, what he could do. I was a bit floored as I suppose I expected him to take over and either get it right or horribly wrong. Then I thought about what I actually needed.

What I needed was to ask him question after question. Was it okay that I told him, did he think badly of me, was anything too much to tell him, did he think I had done a good job of putting my life back together as an adult, could therapy help me, on and on and on until I exhausted my list of niggling worries.

He made it okay that I told him. He's done that before, and I believe he can do it again. So that's good. Thanks to the people on this board for helping me get it together to talk to him.

[picklewheeze]

OMG OMG YES TR!!

Well done, I'm so proud of you! Youre therapist sounds really good for you

Onwards and upwards!

What you said about not remembering what they said, when I first told someone about my past I literally just said 'I was abused' I said it so matter of fact, as if it was something totally ordinary and day today. I COMPLETELY dissociated. To this day I have absolutely no recollection of what she responded, and neither does she. Its a very weird sense of being completely overwhelmed and unable to take in anything from your external environment. Thats what it felt like to me anyways.

I'm so pleased you finally got to get it out as it has obviously been bugging you.

Writing things down is agreat way to bridge the division, then after a while you kind of get so used to talking about it that its not really difficult anymore.

Well done TR

[tinyrabbit]

I wasn't 100% sure I was going to do it until I showed up at T and realised I was feeling my current age, that I'd brought the part of me who knows it's okay to talk. I told him I didn't want to wait years and years to disclose just because I thought I should. That I didn't want to talk about it again, but I did want to let the knowledge in the room.

My T is great. He is making up for all the previous rubbish experiences. I did see a psychologist when I was a teenager and he just gave me relaxation tapes, which were not what I needed.

I don't think I dissociated, as I got the gist, but can't really remember exactly what he said. I think that's why I had to go as me, now. So I wouldn't dissociate. The whole cards thing worked really well, might do it again, it just seems to mean a safe way to share stuff in my head now.

Thank you for your support

[picklewheeze]

hmm yeah told u therapy in teens isnt so good!

I know what u mean about being in the right frame of mind to talk, sometimes your T can just catch you in the right place at the right time and you can make a massive step.

well done and well done for staying there

[Sannah]

Excellent work!

[tinyrabbit]

Just realised something. I freaked out when my T asked what he could do to help, what I needed from him. I thought: you're the therapist, you should know what to do!

But of course he did know what to do, and that was ask me what I needed.

[Sannah]

Yes, you are the expert in you and he needs to learn what you need.

[tinyrabbit]

What I needed was to be asked what I needed