[sweetthinker]

Would you stay with a man who has given you a concussion, if you were financially dependent on him?

I got into a physical fight with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, that resulted in me having a concussion.

I am trying to put the pieces together, and it has been physically and emotionally tiring to recover from this? Thanks for your input on my above question.

What is the best way I can find my way out of this, become financially independent, and not be afraid of living alone?

[Meisjes]

did/does the relationship still mean something to you? if it does maybe some joint therapy might be helpful. if its about safety and not getting hurt, my first impulse would be to go. sooner than later. I didn't wait for a concussion, I didn't get hit either. But there were enough comments that went towards that kind of ending. I wasn't going to find out which idea he would try first.

Are you set up to be financially independant? If thats where you're heading in your own mind, you might want to try it, see if life gets better for you. No one should be getting smacked around for any reason.

[autumnleaves]

I believe that if someone hurt me like that, I'd try to find a shelter or something. However, I really couldn't say for sure, since I haven't had to deal with this challenge. I am sorry that you're having to suffer.

[shezbut]

In my TBI skewed opinion, I think that you need to leave your bf. Whether your are or aren't financially independent is unrelated. Your brain is #1 to you. You need to get out now to protect yourself and your health.

Go to a shelter. There are lots of programs in place to help people who are in that position ~ and they're able to grow & put themselves in a better place in life to proud of. In my humble opinion, that's what you need. You can stand up for yourself

[tinyrabbit]

The question isn't would you but should you. Please phone a women's shelter, they can help you.

[Yoda]

http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticV...(National).pdf

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Power & Control Wheel

[lil-angel-wings]

It took me a year of abuse to get the courage to fight for my self... but it took another 4 to get out.And the Abuse only got worse... had I any mind at the time I would have run as fast as I could. But I was so frightened I could not run. I was afraid of being found, my self and my kids killed and my mother getting hurt too.

there are shelters and places to go. dont wait to find out if it might get worse. The police will not do any thing untill you are hurt or dead. dont wait to find out which one.

I belive once an abuser always an abuser... Just like an alchoholic... they may stop drinking but the chance of starting again is just arouond the corner.

some people can change, but is your own life worth the risk in finding out?

[yellowted]

personally i would advise getting the h out of there, go into a refuge if you have to, once the risk of this or worse happening again is no longer then you can put all your attention and energy into setting up a bank account, and becoming independent in every sense of the word.
your safety and health are the most important things, concentrate on securing these first.

[Luce]

A man who has given you a concussion is a man who believes it is okay to hit a woman. He may say it was only an accident - a one off - but men who don't believe a woman should be hit NEVER hit them - not even once.

A man who has given you a concussion is a man who does not believe that you are to be treated with respect. Maybe he is capable of treating you with respect from time to time, but in his most stressed, most emotional states - at the *core* of himself - he does not believe it, and it will show in everything he says and does.

A man who has given you a concussionis a man who will give you black eyes, cuts, bruises, broken bones, and sexual and emotional degradation. One concussion may be the start, but it will NOT be the end. No matter what he promises when he is feeling like you might leave him.

A man who has given you concussion is a man who is incapable of having a healthy, respectful, nurturing relationship.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I was here about 4 years ago. I thought the financial dependence was most important. Especially since I had a child with the man. I thought I would be even worse off without financial support. But one day I put my child first and realized all the toys in the world would not make her happy if she grew up in that home. Not only that but his physical violence threatened her life as well as mine.

So I packed up one day and left. OK well I slowly packed for a month, taking all my important things and sticking them in bags in the back of the storage closet one small thing at a time so he wouldn't notice. Then I wake up one morning go to the bank and take some money out before he could cancel my card. I went to a friends and called his sgt to pick him up so I could load everything in the car and leave.

I drove across the country with no where to go. I ended up at my grandmas. There was literally no room for me but there was room for my daughter so I slept in the car in the driveway, during the coldest winter this town has had since 1989. Slept in my car in the snow, for 6 months I lived in my car. But those 6 months were the best 6 months of my life. Finding myself again, realizing what being happy meant, having freedom, not being in fear... It was incredible. I was completely and utterly broke yet I was the happiest I'd ever been.

It's true, money does not buy happiness. It's much more worth it to just start over, even if you are broke in the beginning.

Having been in the situation myself, I found that the best course of action for me was to get into a safe place first, and then work on becoming financially independent afterward.