Need To Sort This Out.....

I'm not sure if this belongs in this forum or Coping With Emotions forum. Lately I've been very triggered into defense mode, over some Lolita type posts. I've mentioned in past posts, that at the age of 13 my BIL tried to corner me and kiss me. In another previous instance, we were playing law darts and he grabbed me/tickled me ....his hands went to my chest area.

I realize I'm very lucky compared to other sexual abuse victims, but it still bothers me to this day, when I'm reminded of it. I never told anyone until I was 25, when I was going to get married. He called me and invited me out to dinner by myself for one last night being single - I said no!!!! At 1st I said yes thinking others were coming but said "no" when realizing he was inviting me only. My sister at the time was up at their cottage. When my brother asked me why - I finally told him what happened in the past. This confirmed to be that he was still trying to get with me.

I always tell people they should tell someone but I didn't. I was so insulted because he was our neighbor and been around since I was 5 - In looked to him like a brother. Was also very insulted he would do this to my sister - being a cheater. I remember detesting him and always feeling uncomfortable at family gatherings. Me and my older sister were never close, but I know this distanced us further, because I couldn't stand to be around him.

Why didn't I tell - they had only been married 3 yrs and I honestly didn't want to ruin my sisters marriage. This was my logic at 13. I was also afraid and embarrassed. What I'm struggling with is - was it better to let it go or did I make a mistake where he may have done this to someone else?

You were an innocent child; therefore I can't see framing it as a "mistake" so I can't answer your question. Ideally children are taught to inform, but many children don't know that or can't cope with it, I expect.

What a... baguette. It's hard to imagine you would have been believed. What a position he put you in with your sister, your family. It's so about power.

Dearheart, you were a child! How were you to know what to do?? You were not mature enough to decide!!! There can be no right or wrong to this question, sweetie, because you were just too young. You should NOT beat yourself up about this now. You should NOT feel guilty about this.

He was and probably still is, a vulture. He was luriing you into what would have been a very dangerous situation -- and thank God you knew it!!! Thank God you didn't trust him!

No one knows if he has 'done things' to other young girls or not. But it is NOT your fault because you didn't say anything back then!!!

Please don't feel guilty. BUT -- if you see him attempting to do anything like that NOW -- make sure you either grab him & knock him over the head (kidding) or get someone to hang onto him til the cops arrive!

I wish you the very best, my friend. Take care and God bless!!! Hugs, Lee

((( lynn P.)))

Your BIL acted very inappropriately towards you, during a very vulnerable time in your life. Don't blame yourself. You were in a totally different mindset back then. I am sorry ~ I can relate a lot. You're always welcome to PM me, if you ever want to talk about the experience in greater depth.

Gentle hugs to you lynn!

It can be very difficult to tell about it. Esp. for a kid.

There were instances in my life where I was abused and did not tell anyone.

It still was not our fault.

I am sorry this happened to you.

Carol

I agree Lynn you were a child and you must not feel guilty about this