[tinyrabbit]

I believe my dad SAd me, but I lack specific memories. I know I was abused by another child when I was about five, and by a cousin when I was eight or nine.

On Friday, I went to my parents' house as they're away at the moment and I was looking for... I don't know what. Clues, or memories, or something. I had a look through some stuff from my childhood and found this book of stories and pictures I'd written and drawn. All the stories were about people escaping, running away, hiding and/or being eaten. And in the middle of it, I found this really weird drawing.

I was about nine or ten when I drew this. It doesn't relate to any of the stories I wrote, so I have no idea what it means. I just feel like I need to show someone. I don't know, I just can't help thinking this isn't a normal sort of picture for a nine or ten-year-old girl to draw, is it? Wouldn't you worry if you saw this?

I guess I'm looking for proof that things weren't right in my life. I'm sorry if it's not okay to post this.

Scroll down for the picture - it's basically of a hand with big black fingernails and in red letters with blood dripping it says 'your heart or your brain'. I have no idea what it actually means.

[unaluna]

Wow. Thinking vs feeling. You knew what the conflict was, even back then. The choice you had to make to make sense of what was going on? You could think of a reason, but it didn't feel right? It's a very powerful drawing. And I love the little ballerina.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by hankster

You knew what the conflict was, even back then. The choice you had to make to make sense of what was going on?

Thank you for this observation. It makes a lot of sense.

I'm going to show the picture to my T and see what he thinks...

[picklewheeze]

Its great you've got this and can work through.

Maybe it does link with your other stories/drawings? Your heart tells you to run but your head says to stay pr vice versa?

Just a thought.

Don't be too hard on yourself TR.

[picklewheeze]

It might just be produced by a filmbyou saw or something you read.

Its interesting you say its a hand, when it.only has three fingers? I done know if that has any significance.

[tinyrabbit]

I hadn't noticed that about the three fingers.

Thanks for your replies x

[tinyrabbit]

My T said he thought the picture was disturbing and that, if a teacher had seen it, they should have thought to have a discussion about what might be going on.

I said: "But I don't think anyone did see it."

And he said no, nobody saw, not just the picture, but the train wreck that was happening in my life. Understatement of the century.