[Jungatheart]

Hi,
I have been posting on the psychotherapy forum, but as time goes on, it seems like I might fit in more with this group.

I am a month out of breaking all contact with my abuser, who turns out to have also been my therapist. It consisted of emotional and spiritual abuse, though I believe it would eventually have become sexual abuse. The farther I am out the more the fog clears, the more I can begin to think for myself once again, and the more disturbed I feel by it all.

One thing that I am coming to terms with, is that this is a life pattern. Parents, boyfriends, and now therapist. I have never really been able to name it or validate until now. This therapist abuse has been so horrendous that I can't ignore this issue in my life anymore.

Things is, how do you stop the pattern? I didn't consciously choose these abusive people, but I sure did ignore the red flags and stayed with them longer than I should have. My fear is that I will start over-compensating, announcing red flags when they aren't there, leaving good people b/c they might accidentally remind me of abuse. And I also fear just ending back in another form of abuse. I feel unsure of my inner compass, of my boundaries. I want to heal this part of me. I can't and I also refuse to go through this again. I know I deserve to heal, I am just not sure how.

[kaliope]

i completely understand your line of thinking. i have been alone for a very long time because i am afraid i will choose abusive people again in my life. i have tried to address it in therapy but i become angry at my t for exploring the issues related to relationships. i just dont want to go there, yet i never imagined spending the rest of my life alone. i feel stuck in a catch-22.

[BLUEDOVE]

Yes,I've been there.The solution (or part of) for
me was RE-education.So that you KNOW the kind
of signals to look out for,and that you WILL trust what you see and hear.It is paramount this last about self-trust.You DO know what is
normal and what is not--write some of the red
flags you ignored down,get it all OUT of your head onto tangible paper where you can see it.
What you could have done,and how much SOONER you could have done it. Sure,it will be
distasteful,but do it anyway--your LIFE is at stake here . . .trust the self,trust the self,TRUST!
May God Hold You in
The Palm of His Hand,
BLUEDOVE