I just read an article about emotional abuse; well, it was just a list of questions that I answered yes on each and every one, but anyway...

Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology

Part of me is throwing her hands up yelling, "Of course! It all makes sense now! I no longer have reason to deny having a personality disorder!" The other part is rolling her eyes at the first, saying, "You're being stupid, believing this crap. Pffft, that's not abuse, you're just too damn sensitive and need to grow up, get over it."

Which, when I write it out like that, is exactly what the blog says emotional abuse is. But I still can't get over that second part of me, the part that says I'm being stupid, the part that's picking away at me from the inside...

So...

Long story short, I answered every single question with a yes on that blog. I lived with at least four other people at any given point for the first 18 years of my life, and pretty much all of them were emotionally abusive in some way.

For the past five years, since I moved out and got my own place, got married, had kids, I've been struggling with accepting that these negative feelings were placed there by my family. I've had numerous counselors, as well as my husband, tell me that my family is dysfunctional and that yes, there's plenty of reason for me to turn out the way I did, but I've never really believed them.

I'm still struggling, even with this blog showing me that it's very likely that I grew up being emotionally abused. I guess it's that "abused" terminology, it feels so negative and I know that if I ever used it in front of my family they would accused me of being ungrateful and rebellious and a horrible hateful person. So I'm very reluctant to use it myself.

I guess what I'm wanting to know is, was I really abused? Is this substantial reason for me to have a personality disorder?

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I'm short on words right now but if you feel it was abuse, I think you should believe yourself.

(((Hugs)))

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Trust your feelings.

I too struggle with wondering if I am just overreacting.

I don't think I am, so you probably aren't either.

Being diagnosed with bpd has kind of messed me up and made me doubt myself. Wondering if I am just being "borderline". I have to remind myself that many persons with borderline have been abused. So even if it's 2 things going on with me, I can no longer invalidate the abuse part.

Carol

[Leed]

Yes, you were emotionally abused. If you were being told all the time that you were stupid, being too sensitive, being told to shut up, you need to grow up and get over it, etc., -- yes those among many others are abusive.

I was emotionally abused in a much different way. I got NOTHING -- no attention, no hugs, no "I love you", absolutely nothing. 99% of the time they didn't even know I was in the house. Plus they insisted I get married at 18.

If you could answer yes to those questions in that article, and it all made sense to you -- then you WERE abused!!

God bless you my friend. And keep posting, okay? Hugs, Lee

thanks everyone. it's hard to admit this to myself. i feel like if i tell my therapist about it, he'll react the way they would. he'll tell me it's all in my head, and i shouldn't worry about it. i hesitate to share my opinion at work or with friends because i can't handle the stress of trying to hold my ground. i have absolutely no basis on any of this, but it's still a fear that i have.

[Jungatheart]

DA37,

Self validation can be difficult and perhaps is common from those who has been abused. You mention that many people have validated your abuse. That inner critical voice that uses words like "you're too sensitive" sounds to me like an abuser's voice.

You are asking if you have been abused, and that alone might be a sign. Perhaps ask yourself what would need to happen in order for you to really validate yourself? What would it mean if you accepted this as truth, or if you decided it was forever false?

Originally Posted by Jungatheart

Perhaps ask yourself what would need to happen in order for you to really validate yourself? What would it mean if you accepted this as truth, or if you decided it was forever false?

if they admitted to being wrong for saying what they have all my life, then i would feel validated. i would feel better, and i'd put it behind me, and try not to let the memories affect my way of thinking with my kids. but i have told them that they were emotionally abusive, and the return was not pretty. my great grandma is in her late 80s and is stubborn. she thinks she raised me the right way and other than me not going to college like she wanted, i have done well for myself. so she wouldn't accept it and would further put me down as a rebellious ungrateful person because it's like i'm putting her down even though i should be raising her up on a pedestal for how i've turned out.

as for my mother, i don't know that i even care about her response. we aren't on the best terms as it is, right now. she would blow up on me and try to make things more difficult. i tried to bring it up the last time i was with her. she changed the subject or, when i pushed the matter, she tried to blame it all on my great grandma. if i'd kept pushing, she would have blown up on me.

i honestly don't know any other approach than to just get over it, haha.

with that being said, i don't know why i posted on here about it when i already "know" what i should do...but i don't know if that's the inner voice or if that's really how i should handle it.

[Jungatheart]

Often abusers won't take responsibility. If they never validate it, does that mean it didn't happen? Your opinions, feelings, and experiences matter. Sometimes you just validating you is what allows people to move on. You were very courageous to confront your grandma, and smart to protect yourself from your mother. Best wishes.