[newday85018]

I feel like I have been asleep or a zombie my whole life until just last week.
At 46yrs old I JUST realized how my abused childhood has crippled my adult life ! Up until last week I had NO understanding of why the patterns of my life keep repeteing !!!!! Now I am very confused. Worse over I have times of hope reading these post from others knowing that it can be better ! I still have panic and fears of even reaching out for help. I also have one child still at home I care for alone. I have always done the best I can for BOTH my children... yet my oldest is now serving 25 to life. I never hit , or sexualy abused her. I really did everything I knew I could to give her a better life then I had. I fear the neglect I gave her as a Mother with zero skills was at fault for her wrong chioces as an adult ? And now I ponder a lot about anything I am not providing for my son that can be neglectful in his up bringing ? I want help to move past my childhood.. understand it and how it has controlled me. And I worry that I do not have time to help me and give my son what he needs. Oh well I guess I can only now live each day one day at time getting better ?

[shezbut]

I'm sorry that your daughter is in prison ~ especially for such a long sentence. That must be very difficult for you and your son to accept.

Did your daughter repeat the pattern that you'd been stuck in, or was it a completely different role? Were you ever verbally or emotionally abusive towards your children? What are the patterns that you see yourself repeating??

Is your son keeping up with his peers, or has he fallen behind? Does he ever look up to you and enjoy being with you, or is he past that wonderful phase? Do you work? Is your son involved in any sports teams or other extra-curricular activities? If not, I'd recommend looking into that avenue. Joining the Boys and Girls Club or YMCA can really help boost his self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and hope for his future! There are scholarship programs available to help those in need. Kind of a pain in the rump to stay on top of every 6 months or annually, but it is well-worth the effort. {My 2 girls and I are members of the YMCA, and I pay 50% of the normal cost for membership and camp for my daughters. It isn't cheap, but it's very important to me, so I find a way to squeeze it into my budget.}

Best wishes to you and your family. Take care of yourself and your son! Hopefully, you will some day be able to build a healthy relationship with your daughter as well.