Religous cults

I hope the same for you Evangelista!
I think also that whatever intrigued us in the first place about the whole thing will always atract us to it... For me it's a constant battle, they still call me and leave threatening notes and such stuff but I have also decided not to play their childish games anymore. I do hope we get through this safely....
((((((((((( Evangelista ))))))))))))

I want to respond to this whole thread and first off say that my heart goes out to each and everyone who has been through this type of abuse and torture. You are not alone.

Next, if you feel this needs to be edited, trigger warning, or totally deleted - then by all means do so. I'm not totally sure where I am going to go with this.

I have been through SRA as well as religous cult abuse. By day it was by the name of "God" and at night it was by the name of "S". Not going to put that there. I have been through abuse that was ceremony based as well as non cermony based. It is something that is very hard to describe or even speak about. It is a road that is very long and hard to travel to overcome and heal. It is something that I am not sure that I will totally overcome or heal from. Both of these abuses, besides the others have truly damanged and destroyed my life. To the point that I had to go into hiding, change my total identiy, and lose everyone in my life. Just for my safety and sanity. The abuse I went through has caused my DID and caused me to not be able to function. I will never be able to live my life the way that I truly want it to be due to the SRA and religous abuse. I cannot go to a church for triggers and fear of it. To hear someone sit and "preach" at you or to be riding the bus and hearing people saying stuff about "God" and how he loves his children and what not just turns me into a tailspin. The wedding that took place when I was a teenager to another "cult" member in the name of "G" and "S" is something that I will never forget.

Each and everyone who has been abused, you are not alone. There is people out there that understand, care, and can sit by you through your healing process. Even if it is online. There are many out there that are only a keystroke away.

There is more that I would like to share and say, I just fear that I will say stuff that could be triggering and stuff that is very difficult to share. Stuff I haven't even shared with my T yet. So I'll leave it at this.

(((((safe hugs))))) to all that want them and *****warm fuzzies***** to those that cannot accept or don't want hugs.

Peace be with you and know that you are not alone.

(((Woundedhearts))))...I am sorry for what you have had to endure and continue to recover from, know that you are in my deepest thoughts....

I think for me an aspect which I find very hard to integrate is the ceremonial and rituals, and the amazing power these things have over me to talk about, even in therapy, coupled with the sexual abuse by the Cleric, because I am just scared, its been so ingrained that you only whisper about them, I am trying to get over that habit but my voice will still lower to an inaudible level and my eyes dip to the floor, ashamed and scared that I should be talking about it with anyone outside of the religion, even inside the cult huge efforts were made about the sacredness of what was occuring, and the need to not talk about it outside. It's like this huge secret aspect that keeps minds and mouths bound..but its a collective secret so maybe thats why it has such power still..

I just dont understand...how can ppl rationalize this type of behavior in a group setting..its like they loose their sense of social identity and moral aptitude..it makes no sense..
maybe it has something more to do again with the bottom line which is power..not a higher power..just their own..


Eva

(((Woundedhearts)))..know this time of year is very hard on SRA survivors...please be gentle with yourself...

many gentle hugs.....



Eva

I am just waiting for next month to pass and I hope it does quickly. The summer soltice was this month for me to (southern hemisphere).
I know what you mean when you say you look at the floor. I opened up to a therapist once, and while I spoke I looked at my feet the whole time... she accused me of lying because I would not look her in the eye... I think because it's such a taboo subject in almost every culture we can't speak about it... I'm sorry that you all had to go down that same path.

I want to add this, but it might be triggering...
The worst for me was, this month on my anniversary, is I kept thinking that night who is the next victim who's life they are ruining? How can you stop them?

((((((((((Eva)))))))))))

Thanks so much hun.

I understand completely how you feel. Horrible time of year. I think of the others that are still going through what we did and it really breaks my heart.

Your not alone.

I think I have an idea of what you've gone through. Although I was not in a 'religious' cult, I have been in a cult. At least I'm pretty sure it was a cult. It was through the internet, which is why I now have to be careful with it.

My point is, is that I can relate to your feelings of shame, disbelief, not wanting to tell anyone. It's a horrible thing to go through, no matter what it encompasses. It shakes you right down to the core, and when you come out of it, you see the world differently somehow, and nothing is really the same after. Its hard to trust people, and you feel so foolish for getting into it in the first place.

I have written a little story about my experience. If any of you think it may be of any help at all, I can send it to you.

Take care
--Des

Hi Des,

Sorry you are having such a hard time too..dealing with the secrecy that really effects most abuse victims, and with cults, can be challenging for the same reason any abuse survivors suffer..the power that having to keep everything secret..enforced over and over..layered with the acts themselves..shame..huge huge huge problem..fear..the feeling of being hunted..or constantly being watched..then the duality of living life with ppl that just dont have any idea that this stuff is as prevelant in our society as it is...and not just in the movies...

Please fel free to PM me your story..or just to connect..your not alone Des...

I would also like to hear your story.... Part of mine I have posted hear if you are interesred.

Thanks, Evangelista. It's ok. I'm cool with it now. It was four years ago. I'd like to share my experience though, in order to help others, especially those who are just recovering.

Where is your story, Tanya? Is it on this thread? I have to warn you about mine, its pretty long. Almost like a short story.

--Des

I won't post it on here, because its too long, but I can send it through PM. If anyone is interested, just PM me, ok?