I am not a slut!

I'm sorry I haven't really been supporting others here as much as I know I should have, and I'm so sorry. I'm also sorry for hogging up the forums, I know I shouldn't be doing that. This will be one of the last threads I make for a while, I promise.

I just need to vent,
I just need to babble for a minute so I'm sorry if none of this makes any sense, I don't really know if I want advice or help or anything, I just want to write this out and get it out of my head for a while so I can get some sleep

I am not a slut. I am not a slut. I am not a slut.
I'm not. I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did, I didn't want it to happen, it wasn't my fault. I don't know why it happened like that. I was little, I was so little and I didn't have any idea what I was doing. UGh. ****. Just... ugh. I am not a slut. It doesn't matter what people think. They don't even know me. They don't even know what happened for crying out loud!! Hell, it doesn't matter what I think. Deep down I know I'm not a slut. I didn't do anything wrong, I swear! I didn't know that he'd do that I didn't know that it was wrong I mean I knew it felt wrong but I didn't know what I was doing I dont know why I didnt say anything afterwards I was just scared

It was scary okay! I am not a slut!! I didnt want it to happen, it just did, okay! I could not stop it it just happened it just happened I did not mean for it to happen but it did I'm not to blame! You can't put the blame on me, I didn't do anything wrong! For years I have blamed myself and I am sick to death of it! I am not a slut, you cant say I am one because I am not! I didn't do anything wrong.

So just stop calling me that because I am not a slut I never did anything wrong and I never wanted him to do that I never asked for it I never gave him a reason to do it and I was so little little itty bitty you cant tell me that it was my fault when i was little i am not the person to blame for this i did not bring it upon myself when i had no idea wha t was going on i am not a slut so stop calling me one i didnt do anything wrong then and i am not doing anything wrong now i am not gross i am not dirty so stop telling me that i am

i am normal everything that has been happening lately is normal and its not my fault at all i am not a slut i was just a kid i hate that life turned out like this i never did anything to hurt anyone what could i have possibly done that was so bad that i deserved to live like this? i hate this. i ****ing hate this, but at the same time i know that it is not mny fault i know that i didn't do this to myself someone else did it to me and they are to blame, not me. not the little kid me, not the me now, and not any of my past mes no, noone is to blame but him and i know that, so why do i still feel like im just some weird idiot that just seemingly runs into trouble so often? why do i still feel like i should just fall off the face of the earth because i know no one cares ? ugh

i may be a lot of things, but i am not a slut

Victim blaming is distressingly common, no? I am glad you are challenging those lies about yourself.

As children we tend to blame ourselves, and of course nothing that happened to us (as children) is our fault. Have you considered therapy?
Hugs, Nicole

Hugs if you are not in therapy please consider it

Your little child was not to blame. You are correct! You are not a slut. Hope venting here has helped. Wishing healing for you and your little child within.
Gayle

Let it out!

You...are...not...a...slut!!!!

Let it out!

What a courageous survivor!

Carol

Thank you all for your encouraging responses.
I am currently in therapy, but we haven't been working on the trauma stuff yet.

Hun, keep writing, keep posting, keep coming here, keep talking about things. It does get easier, I promise. You didn't deserve this. It is not your fault. Rape is not your fault if you were a child, ad teen, or an adult. No one asks to be violated. Sometimes fear makes it so we can't scream, age makes it so we cannot escape, youth makes it so innocence is robbed, none of those are something we can control.

You are not a slut. You are a beautiful woman, with an even more beautiful heart, don't you forget that.

Exactly this