[MotownJohnny]

So, before I was even born, my father had very serious mental health issues -
Paranoid delusional disorder was the primary diagnosis, made years later. Very abusive to me and my mother, controlling, cut us off from family and the outside world. And, he was a transvestite. Not to my knowledge gay, he would dress in lingerie, bras with foam inserts, stockings and garters. And, he would wear feminine napkins and announce it was his period. It was all very creepy - when I was 20 I saw Psycho for the first time and saw a lot of Norman Bates in my father.

So, as a young boy, I had to witness it. And, it was day in and day out, virtually all of his free time. We had to sit in a dark house with curtains drawn because he feared being found out.

Even when little, I knew that this was wrong, made me nauseous to think of it. I have bad memories, like waking up early and excited on my first day of kindergarten, to see my father sitting at the table in a white t-shirt with Dolly Partonesque fake breasts underneath.

My mother cried constantly, hated this but was afraid to leave him, as he probably would have stalked and killed her, literally. In one act of bravery, she took all of his female clothes out and had an enormous bonfire when I was about 9. Of course, that resulted in an epic session of abuse for days. She did that for me. And I appreciate it still.

I consider what I had to see a form of sexual abuse. He had others for me, hated me, denied paternity, pointed loaded rifles at me a few times as a teenager.

Just wondered if that would fall under the umbrella of sexual abuse?

I would say yes, it certainly does.

Sorry you had this experience.

I hope you are able to get the help you need to properly process it.

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry for all the childhood trauma you suffered. Cross dressing by itself isn't abuse if the person keeps it discreet. The fact he involved his family/kids would be considered inappropriate and mentally confusing........I wouldn't term it sexual abuse. Everything else you went through was emotional and mental abuse. Pointing a rifle a child or anyone is illegal.

[tinyrabbit]

I think it was abuse, and if it felt sexual to you then it was sexual abuse. Have you heard of covert incest or emotional incest? These are to do with psychological or emotional sexual abuse and possibly apply here.

We weren't there. You were. And it's okay to listen to your feelings about this and believe yourself.

[MotownJohnny]

Thanks for the responses. At this point, I am mostly bitter that so much of life was taken from me - no activities, no friends, no job as a teenager, nothing was allowed because he had to keep us locked in, like it was North Korea or something. Meh, I'm getting over it now, all of this came up and played into last year. When I thought my life was over and I was going to die. Now making up for lost time and having a blast.