[concernedfriend103]

Hi. I recently went onto Facebook and found some old friends from school. A couple of girls from grade school had "friended" me, and while checking out their "friends", I came across another girl's name that I had gone to school with. WOW! I couldn't believe it! After almost 35 years since I last saw her, there she was. Well, her profile page anyway. She and I had first met in second grade, when I started at a new school in town. We always had 2 classes for each grade. I was in one class, she was in the other class. The first time that I saw her as a seven year old boy, I had a crush on her. I thought that she was the prettiest girl in the world. But, we hardly ever spoke being that our classes never mixed much, except for assemblies, gym or on the playground. But, in eigth grade, I switched over to her class. My mom thought the other class was full of degenerates. She was correct in this. Anyway, we were finally in the same class together, only a few seats away from each other. We eventually struck up a friendship and over time we kind of had a bit of a romance. It was a very beautiful experience for me. She was the very first girl in my life and I cared for her very deeply. She had touched me somewhere deep inside of my soul and I wanted to be with her all of the time. Our "thing" lasted up through the summer and into high school. About a month into high school, I saw her cavorting around with some guy....a stranger. I didn't know him. I was waiting for this big dance to ask her out to go to it, and I see the two of them together. I confronted her about it, and we had a HUGE argument over him. We never spoke agian after that. Just to see her in the halls and politely nod or say hello to her was all that was left of a wonderful relationship. I had to endure seeing the two of them together holding hands and hugging for 4 long, tortuous years. But, I had wanted her to be happy, so I let her go. I just walked away from her. After high schoo, they were married and had a couple of kids together. We both had our different paths in life, and I never saw her again. Until that day when her profile popped up. I tried to contact her by sending a "hello, how are you?" message, but no reply. I sent another message. I even told her to let me know if I was bothering her and to let me know if I should just go away. Nothing. I sent a another message reminding her of all the stuff we did together as young teens in the mid 1970s. I was an innnocent relationship. We just kissed a bit. I was afraid to touch her because I liked and respected her so much. I wasn't interested in what I could get from her, sexually. I had wanted HER. I was in love with her. I was SO easy. We got along SO well. Anyway, one night I get a knock at my front door, I open it and there is a cop standing there. He told me that a woman had filed a complaint against me for sending her FB messages and to stop. WTF??? Why didn't she just tell me to stop? So, I asked around to some old mutual friends and they said that she was abused by that guy and he mistreated her to the point where she suffered an emotional breakdown from it. Oh My God!!! How could he do that to her? He was supposed to love, honor and cherish her......but he didn't he treated her like dirt. This infuriated me. So much so that I have trouble sleeping and I can't stop thinking about her. My friends tell me that its not my business anymore, and that I shoud move on with my life, but how do I do that? How do I do that knowing what I know now? She refuses my contact with her, but I still feel for her. I have nothing but empathy and compassion her my friend.........my almost girlfriend. I'm sorry, but I think that I need help with this. I need a professional counselor to help me get through the grief that i am feeling for her. I can't help her.......not after so many years. I find myself weeping uncontrollably everythime I think about her. Please help me. I know that it's nothing compared to what she experienced, but, I think my sympathy for her is affecting my own feelings and my life too much now. They are no longer together. She married again, but she lives in terrible conditions, I heard. We have mutual friends, but noobody really keeps in touch with her anymore. Everyone has distanced themselves from her. I just didn't know. I thought she was happy all this time, but she wasn't. Whats wrong with me? She was the girl who had broken my heart when we were teenagers, but I have NO animosity towards her. Only love and compassion. I feel so helpless, I wish I could help her to heal and feel better, but I can't, she won't let me. What do I do? Thanks.

[unaluna]

You and I are about the same age. I worked on my 40 year high school reunion and have kept in touch with various people over the years. You read about people reconnecting and falling back in love after so many years, but wow. I think our paths just diverge so much. If she already called the cops on you, you know things are probably not good. I think it's just life. Most of my old boyfriends are dead.

[kaliope]

I hear you saying how much you want to help your old friend, and how much these feelings are consuming you, but you are helpless to do anything. you are a very compassionate individual. But you are powerless in this situation. She has already made her wishes known by sending the cops to your house. the best way to help her is to leave her alone. You can pray for her if you do that sort of thing. Otherwise, know that you have done all you can by reaching out with the desire to help. Welcome to psych central. You will get a lot of support here.

[concernedfriend103]

Thanks. It's just that I heard from friends that she was victimized by her ex husband and that it left her a broken person. He is guy that she dumped me for in high school. Does anyone else sense the irony here? I really miss her though. Her laugh, her smile..........just her presence made me SO happy. It makes me SO sad to never hear her voice or to see her face for the rest of my life. I need help in coping with this reality. If I can't help her out, then I need help myself in dealing with the grief and anguish of losing her. Thank you.