[fadedstar]

My mother was verbally and physically abusive to me growing up. i won't go into all the horriblr details but she tried to abandon me once when i was 7, threw me out of the house for good when I was 20 (after her alcoholic boyfriend hit on me) and has generally treated me like garbage my entire life. At 24, I moved out of the state but she kept in contact mainly about everything SHE needed and everything I was supposed to do for HER (including paying her mortgage). At 26, I had enough, changed my number blocked her emails and told her to stop contacting me. About a year later I moved for work, and thought i was free until she decided to hire someone to find my address and surprised me with a letter stating that she never did anything wrong, etc. etc. I wrote back that i wanted NO contact with her and any future attempts at contact would lead to my gettong a restraining order. Fast forward another 3 years and I've completed a grad program and landed a good job which she heard about so of course she wabts money and is now trying to find me again. She tried to friend my cousin(whom she hasn't seen in 20 years) on facebook just so she could get info on me. My cousin refused the request and I know it's only a matter of time before she finds my address again if she hasn't already.

From the research I've done I can call my local PD if she shows up at my door and can take any mailings to them. Until that happens though it doesn't appear I have any grounds for a restraining order. For all I know she's driving by my house as I speak. I don't believe in guns but am thinking that I should get one for my own protection. She is REALLY unstable and one of her exes had assault charges filed against her in the past. I can't put past her to have some crazy plan to kill me and make it look like an accident as horrible as that sounds.

I really am afraid and of course this whole thing brings up the trauma and ptsd is there anything else I can do to get her to leave me alone already?.

[unaluna]

Idk, I have fears of my mother attacking me too. But she hasn't. I feel like I can't move far enough away. Just to let you know I get it.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you've done so well to break away from her.

Would it help to give a description of her to your neighbours?

[A Red Panda]

You are being so brave to be standing up for yourself and your safety and emotional well-being.

[twoper]

Hey, I really feel you on needing to get away from an abusive mother! It's awesome that you've come so far. Just one thing... if you're going to buy a gun to protect against her, you should be prepared for the possibility that you will use it on her. Do you want to go there? If not, mace, pepper spray or a taser might be a better investment. Something to incapacitate her if she tries to assault you, but not something that will have the potential to kill her.

You might also want to look into self-defense classes, and definitely figure out how to use the pepper spray/taser. Just fyi, if you are mostly afraid of an attack in your house, a taser is your best bet - the pepper spray would cloud up in your room and you would get a dose as well.

As for making her leave you alone, one time-honored method is to act as though you're even crazier than she is. Unfortunately, you can't really do this unless you're already in her presence. If she does show up, though, you can skip the remaining calm and reasonable stuff, since that doesn't seem like it works, and go straight for the arm-waving, yelling, throwing things, and generally acting like you've lost your mind and might do violence to her at any minute. This is sad to say about your mother, but you want her to be afraid of you.

Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this!

Toxic Families Suck!

I legally changed my name and moved far, far away.

Later made the mistake of trying to reconnect with a sister - who betrayed my trust.

Now there is absolutely no contact with anyone from my past.

It's the only way I know to protect my privacy and sanity!

I'd be careful about getting down onto their level though, the police may end up arresting you and then where would you be?

The best thing to do is to just get away from the whole pile of poo and never go back for any reason whatsoever.

It isn't easy ... But it is doable!

[fadedstar]

I went ahead and made a living will, power of attorney and will that cuts her out of my life. The only other option I can do is the restraining order I believe

[Threeagles11]

You need proof for a restraining order. A taser sounds reasonable for some defense and classes on more defense is a good idea. The classes gave me more confidence to face my abusers when they find me.

Sent from my Motorola Electrify using Tapatalk 2

Good job, fadedstar ...

Those are things I haven't done yet, but I'm now determined to get it done this coming spring when I get my income tax return.

This might be why I've been feeling so ill-at-ease here lately ... Something I can do to ensure that none of them can slip in and try to take over my care and affairs should I become ill and/or pass away.

Thanks for reminding us of this important necessity, fadedstar!

[fadedstar]

yeah right now I don't have the proof for the restraining order. I started parking in my gaeage when I'm home so she doesn't know if I'm home or not by seeing my car. Thankfully I also live in a second floor apartment with two doors (and three locks) between me and the outside