[shirley ann]

so hi, i am shirley ann ( an alias) and i am 21, i been suffering from psychological abuse my entire life,from no other than my mother, she has been manipulating us since i can remember, she self- pities herself and tries very hard for others to feel bad for her, and if they don't she makes sure to not talk to them ever again, she doesn't have any friends at all so she ends up dumping all of her problems to me... ever since i was little she would tell me all the wicked things (Such as her dad raping her and all the psychological abuse she witnessed and how much her parents loved her sister more than her ect ect) i was around 7-8 the first time she told me about her dad raping her and she was very graphic... anyways as time has gone by she has gotten more and more aggressive and crazy, she yells and curses at me and my dad if we do something like leaving lets say ... putting sugar on your coffee mug and a little spills on the counter she will call us names and say we are dumb and stupid and how we always do stupid things ect. she always tell me to move out and how she hates to see me in her house(aka my dads house) one time (like 3 weeks ago)she was so mad at me and my dad that she said she was going to go live with my grandma her mom who lives next door... me and my dad didnt really want her to leave but we continued with our lives aand tbh it was nice and felt relaxed after like a week of seeing we didnt need her but then she came back .and the peace was gone. like i said before she keeps asking me to move out which i completely understand because i am 21 but the problem is i am still in college (community college)
and i live in the middle of nowhere its like the country and i dont have a car i take rides from her and my sisters husband who lives with us. and she knows this, but she still tells me to leave whenever my opinion differs from hers she calls me names and tells me to gtfo and how she cant stand me she pushes me and calls me stuff like ***** and worthless (this just happened right now). its very saddening and i cry myself to sleep i wish i could go back to america ..since we moved to her home country i have no friends and i know nothing of this place.. i wish i could go back home but my family lives up north and i am from florida... i only have an aunt there but i dont think i can trust her...she did let me stay with her once before... but stupid me came back here, i wish i had the guts to call or txt my aunt and ask if i could stay with her, but being 21 unenployed still in college makes me feel self concious.... shouldnt a 21 yearold already have their life together ? and i am here living with my parents ...i feel so alone, you know i never tell anyone my problems i dont think there was ever a tiime where i sat down and told people what i felt... i tried doing it with my mom but she accused me of trying to make her feel bad, so i just shut up and didnt say anything i wont be surprised if no one replies to this post i am usually someone who gets ignored by everyone..my opinions and thoughts have never matter to anyone.i feel lost and very lonely.

Hi Shirley ann ,im quite new here myself but I just really wanted to drop by and send you lots of hugs and best wishes
xxxx
from Danica

[the abyss]

hey i am not ignoring you i wanted you to know that , and i respect your feelings and thoughts as i do any human being. good on you doing college. i am sorry your mum is like that my mother was very similar . just so you know i personally do not know many people who have there life together at twenty one ,so go easy on your self.
know that some cares.
take care

[shirley ann]

Originally Posted by Danica

Hi Shirley ann ,im quite new here myself but I just really wanted to drop by and send you lots of hugs and best wishes
xxxx
from Danica

thanks a lot danica and abyss it feels good to let it all out... and i appreciate your positive comments.

[blueredgrey]

Dear Shirley Ann,

I am so sorry for all that you've gone thru. It sounds really tough. I wish I could reach out and give you hug.....so virtual hugs.

I think you know better that whatever your mother says about you, she's really just projecting her image about herself onto you. When she calls you stupid....she really indirectly sees herself as stupid.

Hope you do work with a T in future to heal your wounds.

Pls don't be so hard on yourself for still staying with your parents.....you are just 21......not 61. Many psychologists say that we ultimately gain the maturity to figure out your life only in our late 20s. I am 29 and I still am on my way to figure out life.

Your mom has been very hard on you and emotional abuse really robs you of all your self worth. You know you can't expect your mother to understand your situation (hope she's working with a T).....so only you can protect yourself!! Ignore your mother's words....whatever she says about you is pure BS. Complete your education and take your time to find a good job for yourself and when you are financially secure, you can move out with some roommate (would be cheaper and more fun!)

On the other hand, you can also try for some part-time job....like a store manager or online secretary or something like that. May be you can make some jewellery and sell it online (give good returns for less investment)....or try selling home-made chocolates (which are insanely easy to make...tonnes of recipes online). If it sustains....you can pay your mom some rent to stay (would atleast make her quite)

But your priority should be completing education.

I really request you to maintain a journal about your emotional abuse....just writing about it can be really therapeutic. Till you start T, pls write journals for yourself and reading articles as much as you can about emotional abuse.

Hope you recover from it. We are here to help. Good luck!!