[mrb020377]

My grandfather passed away this past friday. We had the funeral yesterday. The funeral was 4 hours away from where i live now in the town where i was born and grew up. Well I took my dad with me and i dropped him off at a friends house, which happened to be down the street from where I used to live!
I knew i shouldnt have but i couldnt help it... i turned down the street and went past the house. It looked like it did when we lived there. the paint was all chipping off and faded.. it gave a me a very eerie feeling driving past. of course when i looked at it, i started having flashbacks of the horrible things that happened there....

why did i do that????? why did i let my self turn down that road????????

[wisewoman]

Because you are normal and you are coming to grips with the past and the present. It is just a house and it's 2006. I am proud of you for doing that. It is like exposing ourselves to the demons so they have less power. Good job.

[FaithisAlive]

Yes.. you did it because you are way stronger than you know... it took courage to go back to the place where you were hurt... but nothing about that house can hurt you now.

Way to go...

[SeptemberMorn]

My first thought was morbid curiosity, but it took courage just the same.

I've often thought of at least driving past the houses where my abuse took place. Maybe it's a good thing and maybe it's not that they are so far away.

They can't hurt you anymore, Mel! And you're a stronger, better person now! {{{{{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mrb020377]

i know i am a better stronger person now.. the other thing that bothered me is that my mom knows about the abuse.. but being that she was abused herself by her own mother. she blocks it out. so she asked me to drive her and the man who abused me the most to the funeral not wanting to be alone i agreed, but being in that town with him in my car....made me very scared. i am grown and he will never hurt me again.. i know that i can fight back. i know that it would be ok to fight back. it was just extremely emotional for me....very draining for me!!!!!!

thanks for listening.....

[biiv]

Hi Mel,

I hope its ok but i just wanted to say that it must take an awful lot of courage and strength to do that and deal with the emotional fallout. you must be a pretty special person to do that.

I hope you re taking care of yourself now.

biiv

[wisewoman]

Yes, very draining indeed. Our now selves have trouble remembering we are now and not then. Exhausting.

[Perna]

I use to do that, go visit all the houses in the area (and there were lots, we moved away and came back often as my dad was in the military) and it all came to a head when my stepmother (abuser) died. Fortunately I had a T appointment I was leaving for when my stepsister called with the news she was dead. But the drive to my T's in another state -- that was hell as there were memories flocking after me the entire way, from when I was 3-4 until the present. I could hardly drive (probably shouldn't have been!) I was crying the whole way. But I lived through it and connected with my T and I wasn't bothered again in that horrible way, just a momentary pain with a memory that I could let go of and move on. I think it had to do with my stepmother dying.

[hillbunnyb]

oh geez, you had to drive the booger in your car????? Get out the GARLIC. YUK. I am soooo sorry your Mom manipulated you into that position. gahhhhhh. what a tuffy you are! YUK patooooey, gaahhhhh, i get a yukky taste in my mouth from here. do something really special for yourself, for me, to congratulate you, ok? )))))))))))))) ) )mel the mighty ((((((((((

Hi Mel,

So sorry you had to drive with "him" in the car.

I've also done the driving-by thing. (I live a 7 hour drive away from where I grew up.) In my case-- I think it gave me assurance in an odd way. Like-- it WAS real. Sometimes it's hard to believe what happened really did ... so driving by the place gave me reassurance of the reality of it all. --- I have a huge fear of not being believed-- as my mom held such an honorable seat in our community.

take care Mel---

mandy

[WePow]

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mrb023077 said:
why did i do that????? why did i let my self turn down that road????????

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Hello there. I'm new to the board but wanted to share with you and reach out to you. When you said this, my heart was moved so much. Yes, I have been there with returning to the "scene" ...

The thing that I see is how brave you really are on the inside. You are facing the demons and the memories. And that takes courage. It might be what you have decided you need to do for your own healing. To take back your power and stand your ground.

You alone know why you returned. And you alone will know what you need to do to become healed on the inside. But in my book, you are very brave for allowing the healing to happen.

Wendi

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Mel ))))))))))))))